Many children today suffer from Obesity. This is a serious health concern. Give the reasons that contribute to this problem and give solutions to solve this.

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Health concerns have increased globally in recent years, especially regarding obesity in children.
This
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is an exceptionally serious issue. There are multiple reasons
as well as
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solutions regarding
this
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problem.
This
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essay will explore the potential culprits of
this
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issue
as well as
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possible solutions. Acknowledging the reasons that contribute to the child obesity problem would be extremely beneficial. First, a main culprit is the unnecessary additives in food ,
such
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as saturated fats and unregulated salts.
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,
not to mention
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, the vast availability of fast food, which makes it extremely accessible to young children.
Second,
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another point of contention is the lack of movement and mobility. Far too many youngsters spend countless hours playing online.
This
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leads to a sedentary lifestyle, which is unhealthy.
Also
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, playing sports is something
that is
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lacking in their lives.
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, the lack of nutritional awareness in society, especially by parents, is another key reason. Busy parents will often be clueless about what their kids might actually need. They need to shop responsibly. That being said, a group initiative to the government regarding the regulation of additives in consumables could prove useful,
for example
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, by incorporating healthy meals in school lunches.
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, governments should work on closing the gap between the expenses of healthier items and harmful foods.
Similarly
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, providing educational leaflets at grocery stores and accurate labelling regulated by medical professionals to fully inform consumers of the contents of said products. To sum it up, it is obvious that children are being harmed
due to
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poor diets. Simple tweaks could expediently reduce
this
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alarming global problem, but it would need an organised effort by countries and parents alike.

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task response
For task response, answer both parts more fully. You give reasons and solutions, but some ideas are quite general.
task response
For task response, add one more clear example, like how school sport time or home meals can help children.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow, but some linking phrases are not natural. Use simple links like First, Also, As a result, and Finally.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, keep one main idea in each part and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long or have extra words. Shorter sentences can make your meaning clearer.
task response
You answer both parts of the question: reasons and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant to the topic, such as fast food, low activity, and parents.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing well, and this helps the reader follow your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
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