Many children today suffer from Obesity. This is a serious health concern. Give the reasons that contribute to this problem and give solutions to solve this.

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Health concerns have been on the rise globally in recent years, especially the issue regarding obesity in children as exceptionally serious.
This
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essay will explore the potential culprits of
this
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problem
as well as
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possible solutions. Acknowledging the contributors would be extremely beneficial in remedying the problem.
For instance
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, the unnecessary additives in food
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such
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, such
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as saturated fats and unregulated salts
;
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,
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not to mention
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,
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apply
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the vast availability of fast food
making
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, make
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it extremely accessible to young children.
As well as
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,
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apply
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sometimes even
advertised
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being advertised
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to them.
Moreover
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, the lack of nutritional awareness in society and busyness amongst parents will often leave them clueless
on
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about
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what their kids might actually need. That being said, a group initiative to the government regarding the regulation of additives in consumables could prove useful,
for example
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,
incorporating
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by incorporating
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healthy meals in school lunches.
Additionally
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, governments should work on closing the gap between the expenses of healthier items
versus
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and
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harmful foods.
Similarly
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, providing educational leaflets at grocery stores and accurate
labelings
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labelling
regulated by medical professionals to fully inform consumers of the contents of said products. To sum it up, it is obvious that children are being harmed
due to
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poor diets. Simple tweaks could expedentionally reduce
this
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alarming global problem, but it would need an
organized
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organised
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effort by countries and parents alike.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Give a bit more on reasons and a bit more on solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences for each body paragraph.
task response
Support each main idea with one clear example or result.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some parts feel a bit sudden.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear phrases like 'group initiative to the government'. Use simple and exact wording.
task response
You answer both the causes and the solutions.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, body, and end.
task response
Your main ideas stay on the topic.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
What to do next:
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