IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that physical strength is more important fi for success in sport, while others think that mental strength is mort important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion .

#people #strength #fi #success #sport #mort
Success in fitness competitions is a topic of concern for many athletes. There are those who believe that in order to master the field of sport, you have to develop your physical
strength
,
whereas
 others claim that mental
strength
 is
way
Rephrase
very
show examples
 important. The question is: what is the main key to success
?.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 In my opinion, I believe that
both
 discipline and putting effort into training are essential. In
this
 essay I will discuss
both
 sides and support each side with an example
moreover
 I will spot the light on my opinion. It has been claimed that the more you gain physical
strength
, the more you’re likely to win. In many competitive fitness games, the muscular man is the one who gets crowned. Let’s take weightlifting games as an example. Whenever the person builds up more muscles, he will become more powerful in order to lift more weights and get nominated to compete.
On the other hand
, others argue, a strong mindset is the key factor of success. discipline, commitment, and persistence
in addition
 to embracing a growth mindset are the major reasons.
For instance
, all martial arts practitioners have to develop their mental power before they are able to progress to advanced levels. On the other meaning, they need to focus on becoming mentally strong so they can master the game and beat their opponents. In my opinion, I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 we cannot focus on one part and exclude the other,
Both
 elements are evolutionary. The stronger the mind, the stronger the body and vice vices.
For example
, when someone builds their endurance but drowns in his negative thoughts, they will not be able to survive for a long period of time.
However
, enhancing the mentality without spending time to
workout
Correct your spelling
work out
show examples
 will not make you able to accomplish your goals.
To conclude
, I believe that the positive results in the fitness and sports industry cannot be restricted to one element.
Both
 physical and mental
strength
 play crucial roles in various ratios.
Submitted by do7a.89 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure a clear and direct response to each part of the prompt. Address both views thoroughly and provide a clear opinion at the end.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical progression of ideas. Use a variety of cohesive devices to link ideas.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and avoid repetition.
grammatical range
Demonstrate a wide range of grammatical structures and accurately use complex sentences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: