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Band 5

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #person #opportunity
First of all, we have to understand the overview of
society
,
in
Change preposition
apply
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every
society
 has a group of
people
 that have differences,
for
instance
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instance,
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 lifestyle, culture, religion etc. Actually, every
society
 has both rich and poor
people
. I agree with the thinking that rich
people
 have to aid
people
 who are very poor,
due to
 the reason that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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rich
people
 have more resources in order to help poor
people
.
However
, not all rich
people
 have the compassion and generosity to give many resources to
another
Correct pronoun usage
one another
show examples
. Some rich
people
 desire to help but some do not. In fact, it is are a lot of ways to help other
people
, even though we are not rich
people
, because
people
 in
society
 need different things,
someone
Correct your spelling
some
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needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 physical help but
someone
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 mental help.
Therefore
 if we are not rich
people
, we can help other
people
by
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with
show examples
 mental help,
such
 as we can help them by encouraging and inspiring them to practise meditation
that
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apply
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it's
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it is
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 very good for their mind,
talk
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and talking
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 to them about good
memory
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memories
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. By doing
this
, it can make them feel very happy and confident in themself. From my true experience, I have been helping
people
 in my temple,
everyday
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every day
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 a lot of
people
 come to my temple to learn how to practice meditation.
The most
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Most
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 of them have bad emotions and mental suffering. I taught them step by step, to help their mind become calm and receive good emotion. Certainly, I do not use the money to help them to get better things in their lives. In the same way, everyone can help other
people
,
although
 we are not rich
people
.
Submitted by mahawichet on

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Task Response
Ensure your writing focuses more on the prompt by directly addressing the statement and providing a clear stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to improve coherence and cohesion by using more transition words and connectors to link ideas more effectively.
Lexical Resource
Expand your vocabulary and use a wider range of lexical resources to enhance the depth of your writing.
Grammatical Range
Work on using a wider variety of complex sentence structures and grammatical forms to showcase a more advanced command of English.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealthy
  • financial resources
  • philanthropy
  • charitable organizations
  • donations
  • fundraising
  • support
  • initiatives
  • contribute
  • fulfillment
  • purpose
  • selfless
  • altruistic
  • prioritize
  • personal gain
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