IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Excessive traffic has made cities unpleasant places to live and work in. For this reason, private cars should be completely banned from city centres. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#traffic #cities #places #work #reason #cars #city #centres
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Most
cities
 now have pedestrian precincts and from time to time
cities
 are in the news because cars have been temporarily banned from the centre to reduce pollution.
However
, no town council has yet had the courage to completely prohibit private motor vehicles from entering the city centre. There are several reasons why I believe
this
 should be done. The most important reason is pollution from car exhausts, which damages
people
's health causing respiratory diseases
such
 as asthma and bronchitis. At the same time, traffic fumes attack the stonework of historic monuments and buildings,
while
 the vibrations from passing vehicles damage their foundations.
This
,
for instance
, has happened to many old cathedrals in Europe. A second reason why I am in favour of cars being banned is in order to reduce the noise pollution from traffic.
This
 forces
people
 to keep their windows permanently closed and may cause psychological problems, including stress and depression, among
people
 living
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 busy streets.
Finally
, I am sure that if cars were banned,
people
 would find other more pleasant ways to move around
cities
.
For example
, they would walk or use bicycles as these would once more become safe and enjoyable activities within the city.
This
 in turn would bring about a general improvement in
people
's health. In conclusion,
therefore
, I strongly support the idea that traffic should be banned from city centres, as
this
 would enable
people
 to rediscover
cities
 as pleasant and healthy places to live.
Submitted by fajar.triandono on

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task achievement
While the essay effectively introduces the topic and presents a clear opinion, there could be a more nuanced development of the argument with a consideration of counterarguments to strengthen the position.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion, with clear logical sequencing of ideas and appropriate use of linking words. However, to achieve a higher score, aim to improve transitions between points for an even smoother reading experience.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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