Some people think that one good way to promote world peace is through international sporting events, while others think that it is not. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #world #peace #events

Nowadays,international sporting

events

become more important in

people

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

While

some

people

tend towards the viewpoint that a good way to promote

world

peace is through international sporting

events

,I would have to support the idea that it is not to promote. On the one hand,it is understandable for some

people

to believe that international sporting

events

could connect

people

This

is because when

people

have the same topic or habit,it will easily make

people

become closer.

For example

World

Correct article usage

the World

show examples

Cup is the most popular international sporting event every four years.In the years of

Add an article

the world

show examples

world cup

Correct your spelling

World Cup

show examples

people

will

discussion

Replace the word

discuss

show examples

the

events

they

Correct word choice

and they

show examples

support their own nation,

Change preposition

During

show examples

this

time

people

become more unity.

On the other hand

,it is more convincing to me that international sporting

events

are not a good way to promote

world

peace.

Firstly

, organising international sporting

eventsevents

Correct your spelling

events events

will cost a lot of money.

This

is because the governments need to build some new sports

centre

Fix the agreement mistake

centres

show examples

and some

product

Fix the agreement mistake

products

show examples

for sports

events

,it needs a lot of money and

people

,it may interrupt the

people

Secondly

, the fact that

people

's environment

also

deserves our attention.

In other words

,international sporting

events

will cause some air pollution, waste resources or some security problems for the country.

For example

.when finish a game we can see a lot of trash and some

people

feels

Change the verb form

feel

show examples

sadness because the team they support get lost and easy to start a fight with others. In conclusion,

Change the capitalization

show examples

think that there are many ways to make

world

peace ,but not international sporting

events

Submitted by ggrunrunderr on Fri Nov 10 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay lacks coherence and cohesion due to the inadequate logical structure and weak connection between ideas. The introduction and conclusion need improvement for better task fulfillment. Additionally, the main points are not sufficiently elaborated and developed throughout the essay.

task achievement

The essay partially addresses the prompt but fails to provide a clear and comprehensive response. Some relevant points are made, but they lack strong supporting evidence and detail. The examples provided are not fully relevant to the argument and need further development for better task fulfillment.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

242 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

promote
world peace
international sporting events
understanding
unity
cultural exchange
diplomacy
shared purpose
common goals
reduce tensions
conflicts
positive nationalism
fair play
sportsmanship
teamwork
collaboration
break down stereotypes
prejudice
dialogue
communication

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Some people think that one good way to promote world peace is through international sporting events, while others think that it is not. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age. Is this a positive or negative development?

Task 2: Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that the idea of having a career with one company is an old-fashioned one. To what extent do you think having several different jobs or careers is better than a career with one company?