Some people think that one good way to promote world peace is through international sporting events, while others think that it is not. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays,international sporting
events
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become more important in
people
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's
life
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lives
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.
While
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some
people
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tend towards the viewpoint that a good way to promote
world
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peace is through international sporting
events
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,I would have to support the idea that it is not to promote. On the one hand,it is understandable for some
people
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to believe that international sporting
events
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could connect
people
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.
This
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is because when
people
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have the same topic or habit,it will easily make
people
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become closer.
For example
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,
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World
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the World
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Cup is the most popular international sporting event every four years.In the years of
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Add an article
the world
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world cup
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World Cup
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,
people
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will
discussion
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discuss
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the
events
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,
they
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and they
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support their own nation,
in
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During
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this
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time
people
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become more unity.
On the other hand
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,it is more convincing to me that international sporting
events
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are not a good way to promote
world
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peace.
Firstly
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, organising international sporting
eventsevents
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events events
will cost a lot of money.
This
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is because the governments need to build some new sports
centre
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centres
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and some
product
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products
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for sports
events
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,it needs a lot of money and
people
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,it may interrupt the
people
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.
Secondly
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, the fact that
people
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's environment
also
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deserves our attention.
In other words
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,international sporting
events
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will cause some air pollution, waste resources or some security problems for the country.
For example
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.when finish a game we can see a lot of trash and some
people
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feels
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feel
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sadness because the team they support get lost and easy to start a fight with others. In conclusion,
i
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I
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think that there are many ways to make
world
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peace ,but not international sporting
events
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.
Submitted by ggrunrunderr on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion due to the inadequate logical structure and weak connection between ideas. The introduction and conclusion need improvement for better task fulfillment. Additionally, the main points are not sufficiently elaborated and developed throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the prompt but fails to provide a clear and comprehensive response. Some relevant points are made, but they lack strong supporting evidence and detail. The examples provided are not fully relevant to the argument and need further development for better task fulfillment.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • promote
  • world peace
  • international sporting events
  • understanding
  • unity
  • cultural exchange
  • diplomacy
  • shared purpose
  • common goals
  • reduce tensions
  • conflicts
  • positive nationalism
  • fair play
  • sportsmanship
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
  • break down stereotypes
  • prejudice
  • dialogue
  • communication
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