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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countires in 2002.

the table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countires in 2002.
#information #consumer #items #five #countires
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The table shows the percentage of
consumer’s
Change noun form
consumer
show examples
 expenses
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 three different categories in five states in the year 2002. In general, most of the spending incurred was in primary needs,
while
Linking Words
 the least was in leisure or education purposes. To commence with, all countries saw the largest expenditure on diet, beverage, or tobacco, where Turkey used by far the most expenditure at 32.14%, followed by Ireland at 28.91%,
while
Linking Words
Spain
Use synonyms
, Italy, and Sweden were below 20%.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, clothing or footwear spending in Italy was at 9.00%, making it higher than other states. Meanwhile, Ireland,
Spain
Use synonyms
, and Turkey shared the same percentage at approximately 6%, and Sweden was only 5.40%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, entertainment or education showed the lowest percentage of expenditure compared to
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 two categories used by
five
Correct article usage
the five
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 nations. Turkey had the largest expense at 4.35%,
while
Linking Words
 Sweden and Italy were 3.22 and 3.20, respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Ireland was only at 2.21% and
Spain
Use synonyms
 was at 1,98%, which meant that
Spain
Use synonyms
 spent the least
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 items.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words spain with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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