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Band 3.5

Write a report for the Education of women in Srilanka in the years 1965 and 1995

#report #education #women #srilanka #years
The pie charts compare the level of
education
 achieved by
women
 in
Srilanka
Correct your spelling
Sri Lanka
show examples
 across two years, 1965, and 1995. It can be clearly seen that
women
 received a much higher level of
education
 in
Srilanka
Correct your spelling
Sri Lanka
show examples
 in 1995 than they did in 1965. In 1965 only 15% of
women
 completed their secondary
education
 and 3% went on to a graduate degree. No
women
 had completed post-graduate studies.
This
 situation had changed radically by 1995. In 1995, 80% of
women
 in
Srilanka
Correct your spelling
Sri Lanka
show examples
 had completed secondary
education
. 55% of the total
women
 had
graduation
Replace the word
graduated
show examples
 and 20% had gone on to postgraduate studies. At the other end of the
scale
Add a comma
scale,
show examples
 we can see that by 1995
allgirls
Correct your spelling
all girls
 were completing primary
education
,
although
 20% ended their schooling at
this
 point.
This
 is in stark contrast with 1965 when only 65% of girls completed primary school,
35
Correct word choice
and 35
show examples
% had no schooling at all. In conclusion, we can see that in the 30 years from 1965 to 1995 there have been huge positive developments to the
education
 levels of
women
 in
Srilanka
Submitted by rezen.pathan007 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear comparison of the level of education achieved by women in Sri Lanka in 1965 and 1995. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more explicit in previewing and summarizing the main points.
task achievement
The essay responds to the task by comparing the education levels of women in Sri Lanka in 1965 and 1995. Ideas are supported with relevant examples. However, to enhance coherence, the logical structure of the essay could be further improved.
lexical resource
The lexical resource used in the essay is appropriate and varied. However, to improve further, the essay could include more precise and specific vocabulary related to educational levels and achievements.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical range and accuracy. However, to achieve a higher score, stronger control of complex grammatical structures and varied sentence patterns could be employed.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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