IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There is no denying the fact that for hundreds of centuries,
music
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 has been a crucial part of any culture.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
people
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 from different cultures and ages can be brought together by
music
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, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that
music
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 is one of the best ways to gather
people
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 from all around the world.
To begin
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 with, nowadays, even in the past
people
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 often listen to songs which even may not even understand a word of , just because they like the rhythm.
In other words
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, even though some
people
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 do not consider
music
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 as a way of communication, others tend to listen to songs as a way to it and start making new friendships.
In addition
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, songs may make
people
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 start to learn about a new culture and language from travelling to that country.
For example
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, in the
last
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 decade, Afro beats became a trend internationally which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 several
non-African
Correct your spelling
non-Africans
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 try to meet residents from Africa and learn more about their societies. Another point to consider, every year thousands of fans from different nationalities and ages gather in a stadium for a singer. It is
also
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 possible to say that, in that gathering
people
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 there could feel a type of connection with them
as well as
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 love and harmony with each other because they admire that artist.
Moreover
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, there is the fact that
music
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 is a critical part of entertainment and millions of folk have watched musician TV shows recently.
For instance
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, The Voice is a show that
allocates
Verb problem
accommodates
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 talented musicians from different nationalities and it has more than 50 versions from various countries and languages which makes
people
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 worldwide watch it. In conclusion, despite
people
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 having different views, I believe that
music
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 has the power to bring folk from all over the world to one spot and make them communicate and make new relationships.

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clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that each main point is backed by detailed and clear explanations. For example, the idea that people listen to songs without understanding the lyrics can be expanded by giving more specific examples or explaining the emotional impact of music.
logical structure
Work on the coherence of your essay by ensuring smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help maintain a logical flow throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a defined introduction and conclusion, which help frame the discussion well.
relevant specific examples
Relevant examples, such as the popularity of Afro beats and The Voice, effectively support the main points made in the essay.
complete response
The response adequately addresses the task by discussing and providing insight into how music brings people together.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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