IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In their advertising, business nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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These days, companies mostly express that their product is
manufacturered
Correct your spelling
manufactured
 with some new options and
this
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 is a common way for endorsing goods in the competitive
market
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 of our modern world.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons
of
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for
show examples
this
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 notion
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then
Correct word choice
and then
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 explain that it can't be considered as a positive
development
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. There are some reasons
which
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why
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 businesses are trying to persuade
people
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 that their products have some new features.
By
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With
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 the
development
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 of technology and
due to
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 globalisation a broad range of goods is available everywhere and
people
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 have access to all of them easily.
As a
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result
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result,
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 there would be
a
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apply
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significant competition between companies which
pushs
Correct your spelling
pushes
push
 them to more creativity in advertising so they are expected to have something to say in the global
market
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.
For instance
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, as mobile phone is a necessary digital gadget for individuals, some famous brands
such
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 as iPhone and Samsung add new Options to their
celephones
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phones
 every year and endorse
it
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them
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 globally to gain the most customers in
digital
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the digital
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market
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.
On the other hand
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, nowadays,
people
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 are looking for the most up-to-date and the latest equipment in all markets so
this
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 would encourage companies to focus on new options in their publicity. In my perspective,
this
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 issue not only is not a beneficial
development
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 but
also
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 can have some disadvantages, as it will result in a consumer society and
people
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 who are spoilt for choices.
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for
Capitalize word
For
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 example, if a person decides to purchase a digital gadget she/he would be overwhelmed by a huge
market
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 with a wide range of products which are magnified by their producers and are not reliable enough.
Therefore
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, trying to make a good decision in
this
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 condition is nearly a fruitless exercise.
To conclude
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, owing to some reason
such
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 as having
monopoly
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a monopoly
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 over
global
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the global
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market
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 and satisfying consumer demands, businesses are likely to insist on advertising their latest releases and as it faces
the
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apply
show examples
society with consumerism and diversity of choices cannot be
an
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a
show examples
 useful
development
Use synonyms
.

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content
Task Response: The essay adequately addresses the reasons for companies emphasizing new product features and presents a clear opinion. However, the reasons could be expanded upon with more comprehensive analysis and relevant examples. The essay should also consider presenting a balanced view. Furthermore, ensure that the opinion is fully conveyed in the conclusion.
structure
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay displays a generally logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the support for main points is lacking in some areas, making the essay less cohesive. Use of transition words and phrases can enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
vocabulary
Lexical Resource: The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there is repetition and lack of variety in expressing ideas. Utilize synonyms and more sophisticated vocabulary to elevate the lexical resource. Additionally, be mindful of collocations and word forms.
grammar
Grammatical Range: The essay demonstrates a reasonable control of grammar, but there are errors in sentence structure and tense usage. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence complexity to improve grammatical range.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • novelty
  • excitement
  • latest trends
  • improvements
  • advancements
  • differentiating
  • competitors
  • innovation
  • progress
  • attracting attention
  • generating curiosity
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