IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages

#people #risks #lives
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It is essential to comprehend that taking action out of
comfort
Correct pronoun usage
your comfort
show examples
 zone is beneficial to human beings to reach new levels of
life
Use synonyms
 achievement including in professional and personal contexts. I personally think there are more positive chances to be exposed to those who are continuously
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 to take risks for the greater good. The goal of living can be very biased depending on the person's personality. That being said, the purpose
to achieve
Change preposition
of achieving
show examples
 long-term happiness,
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
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 is not everyone. But that doesn't mean everyone will not try to be happy.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the decision
of taking
Change preposition
to take
show examples
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 step out of daily habit, how small or big may contribute to achieving
joyful
Correct article usage
a joyful
show examples
life
Use synonyms
,
instead
Linking Words
 of living the same way as it is every day.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, not every step taken to have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 has the chance of success. There must be ups and downs before eventually each goal can be permanently achieved. Take an example of quitting 10 years of
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 for a new vacancy because many think that they are not able to be financially independent in
present
Correct pronoun usage
their present
show examples
 company. The chance of getting the same treatment in the next corporation may exist, but it does not cease the possibility that the new job
also
Linking Words
 provides the worker's needs, including the improvement of living from a financial perspective.
Overall
Linking Words
, in my point of view it will be much better for
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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in general
Add the comma(s)
, in general,
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 to keep trying for new opportunities rather than staying in
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 circle because even though the result may not always
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 the effort,
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the intention of trying new things in
life
Use synonyms
 against all odds is enough to create the path to the
life
Use synonyms
 that everyone dreams.
Submitted by imsarunn on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The structure of the essay is somewhat disorganized, and the main points could be better developed and connected.
task achievement
The response addresses the task but lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are not well-developed and the examples are not consistently relevant to the topic.
lexical resource
The vocabulary used is adequate, but there is room for improvement in using more precise and varied vocabulary to express ideas more effectively.
grammatical range
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect the clarity of the essay. More attention to sentence structure and grammatical accuracy is needed.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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