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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Dome people prefer one on one classes while others prefer groups. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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These days, there is an ongoing debate regarding the ways of learning lessons.
While
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 some people prefer in-person
classes
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, others argue that they need
group
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 learning sessions. In my opinion, I believe that
group
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learnings
Fix the agreement mistake
learning
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 much better because it provides an opportunity to acquire new skills and moral
values
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.
This
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 essay will examine both views and my opinion in detail with relevant examples. On the one hand, the foremost reason to choose one-on-one lessons is to gain personalised attention and
flexible
Correct article usage
a flexible
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 learning experience.
That is
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 to say that children can study
in
Change preposition
at
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 their own pace focusing on their personal goals in a comfortable environment rather than a competitive atmosphere formed by grouping with students.
In addition
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, compared to
group
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education
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, teachers will have their full attention and coach students in all aspects which will help them to advance in their
education
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.
For instance
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, a recent study shows that many parents are opting for private
classes
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 in
china
Capitalize word
China
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 because the young ones are not concentrating and gaining knowledge from classroom
learnings
Fix the agreement mistake
learning
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.
As a result
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, it leads to poor academic scores.
On the other hand
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, the most compelling reason against the individual
classes
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 is that
children's
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children
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 are nurtured with moral
values
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 and learning new skills.
In other words
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, when a child
study
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studies
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 alone, he or she will not get an opportunity to share or socialise with other offspring.
Such
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values
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 are vital for their adult lives.
Furthermore
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, in classroom
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education
Add a comma
education,
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 they can observe and learn new methods and techniques from their fellow mates which is not an option in one-on-one
classes
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.
For example
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, it is evident that academic performance is accentuated
due to
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 the competition in
group
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education
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. In conclusion,
although
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 there are a plethora of benefits in individual learning, I believe that studying
along with
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 other kids fosters a positive development
on
Change preposition
of
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children
Change noun form
children's
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 well-being in terms of acquiring different skills and social
values
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 which will shape them to become
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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better citizens of society.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear overall progression. The logical structure could be improved by making your argumentation flow more naturally from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Always make sure to present an introduction and conclusion that reflect the main ideas of your essay. Your conclusion should effectively summarize the points discussed.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with clear and developed examples. Each point you mention should be expanded upon with sufficient detail and explanation.
task achievement
A complete response to all parts of the task is necessary for a higher score. Make sure to fully address the prompt, discussing both views and giving your opinion with strong reasoning.
task achievement
Your ideas should be clear, comprehensive, and directly related to the task. Work on presenting your arguments in a manner that is easy to understand and follow.
task achievement
Utilize relevant and specific examples to substantiate your points. Examples should be pertinent and enhance the arguments you are making.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized attention
  • tailor
  • unique needs
  • targeted learning
  • foster
  • motivation
  • promote interaction
  • collaborative projects
  • communication skills
  • diversity of perspectives
  • critical thinking
  • affordable
  • accessible
  • educational opportunities
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