Many educated and successful people, such as doctors, lawyers, and computer scientists, are leaving developing countries where they grew up and moving to developed countries to live permanently. Discuss some problems with this trend and offer some possible solutions.
It is undoubtedly the case that urban areas around the world increasingly suffer from many educated and successful
people
leaving developing countries
where they grew up and moving to developed countries
to live permanently.There are several reasons
for this
problem,and various solutions could be taken by governments and individuals to improve the situation.
There are many types of different factors that have led to the major cause being the incomes in the countries
.Many educated and successful people
cannot get a high income in the countries
where they grew up.For example
, a doctor's salary in Taiwan is 50k to 70k NTD for a month but in the UK a doctor's salary could be more than that,so this
is one of the main reasons
that they are leaving.The second reason is that the society in their own country is stressful,people
need to spend more time working but in other countries
, people
can have a work and life balance.
Despite some obvious reasons
described above,there are several actions that governments could take to solve the problems.Firstly
,a simple solution would be to raise the basic income and make some policies to protect people
.The second measure would be for governments to give more jobs and allowances to people
.For example
, Taiwan's healthy system is one of the reasons
that people
stay because in other countries
healthy system is expensive.
In conclusion,despite some obvious reasons
,various solutions can be taken to tackle the problem of people
leaving developing countries
where they grew up and moving to developed countries
to live permanently.Submitted by ggrunrunderr on
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coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks an appropriate background and clear thesis statement. The conclusion needs to summarize the main points and provide a final perspective.
task achievement
The response addresses the task, but the points made need to be elaborated with more depth and clarity. More specific examples and evidence to support the ideas would improve the response.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in the selection of more precise and academic vocabulary related to the topic. Some phrases are also awkwardly constructed, impacting coherence.
grammatical range
The essay shows effective use of grammatical structures, but there are several errors in subject-verb agreement, word order, and prepositions, affecting the overall clarity and coherence of the response.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite