The main aim of advertising is increasing sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some people believe that many companies post advertisements just to boost the sales of their items which are not too necessary for customers.

While

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I believe that there are some reasons

can

Correct pronoun usage

that can

show examples

be used to explain

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

this

Linking Words

idea, I

also

Linking Words

argue that the opposite

Change to the active voice

also prevails

has also prevailed

show examples

also

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prevailed. On the one hand, it is a normal situation which occurs in many firms.

To begin

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with,

this

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is a way for them to survive in the business market. As the economic industry is undergoing

Remove the article

apply

show examples

rapid growth, many enterprises have appeared and

this

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makes it more challenging for each of them to have a good position in the market.

As a result

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, selling more products will be a backbone for them to stay alive. Another explanation is advertising things which are not too vital for buyers is

also

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a method to publicize the image of one firm. More precisely, marketing silly items can impress people with a unique picture of a group.

For example

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, a household company can spread its name to the public by commercializing more special creations apart from domestic appliances

On the other hand

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, it may be

wrong

Change the article

the wrong

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path for companies.

Initially

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, useless outcomes are just a minor part

composing

Change preposition

of composing

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the profit of a firm. The chairman of a business should not rely just on the mentioned items to run his company as the profit claimed from

this

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acts as an additional income.

Moreover

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, a false impression can be set on the group if they advertise

this

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kind of invention. Announcing and trading

this

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invention is a side field of them.

However

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, if

this

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field becomes successful, customers will forget the major categories

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

lead

Wrong verb form

leading

show examples

to a decrease in profit. In conclusion, it will be a great method for people to have a left-hand field to earn a living as it brings money and popularize the corporation’s image but it is not the main income and it can make humans have a misunderstanding about the organization.

Submitted by quynhtranhbh on Fri Nov 10 2023

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coherence cohesion

You need to structure your essay more logically by presenting ideas clearly and transitioning smoothly between paragraphs. Consider using more cohesive devices to link your sentences and paragraphs together more effectively.

task achievement

The response is relevant to the task but can be developed further. Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea and that this idea is fully developed with explanations and examples. Aim to address the prompt more directly throughout your essay for a stronger task response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

328 words

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The main aim of advertising is increasing sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads.

More universities are replacing face-to-face lectures in favour of online classes. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other.Others believe people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.