The main aim of advertising is increasing sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#aim #sales #products #people

Some people believe that many companies post advertisements just to boost the sales of their items which are not too necessary for customers.

While

I believe that there are some reasons

can

Correct pronoun usage

that can

show examples

be used to explain

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

this

idea, I

also

argue that the opposite

Change to the active voice

also prevails

has also prevailed

show examples

also

prevailed. On the one hand, it is a normal situation which occurs in many firms.

To begin

with,

this

is a way for them to survive in the business market. As the economic industry is undergoing

Remove the article

apply

show examples

rapid growth, many enterprises have appeared and

this

makes it more challenging for each of them to have a good position in the market.

As a result

, selling more products will be a backbone for them to stay alive. Another explanation is advertising things which are not too vital for buyers is

also

a method to publicize the image of one firm. More precisely, marketing silly items can impress people with a unique picture of a group.

For example

, a household company can spread its name to the public by commercializing more special creations apart from domestic appliances

On the other hand

, it may be

wrong

Change the article

the wrong

show examples

path for companies.

Initially

, useless outcomes are just a minor part

composing

Change preposition

of composing

show examples

the profit of a firm. The chairman of a business should not rely just on the mentioned items to run his company as the profit claimed from

this

acts as an additional income.

Moreover

, a false impression can be set on the group if they advertise

this

kind of invention. Announcing and trading

this

invention is a side field of them.

However

, if

this

field becomes successful, customers will forget the major categories

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

lead

Wrong verb form

leading

show examples

to a decrease in profit. In conclusion, it will be a great method for people to have a left-hand field to earn a living as it brings money and popularize the corporation’s image but it is not the main income and it can make humans have a misunderstanding about the organization.

Submitted by quynhtranhbh on Fri Nov 10 2023

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coherence cohesion

You need to structure your essay more logically by presenting ideas clearly and transitioning smoothly between paragraphs. Consider using more cohesive devices to link your sentences and paragraphs together more effectively.

task achievement

The response is relevant to the task but can be developed further. Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea and that this idea is fully developed with explanations and examples. Aim to address the prompt more directly throughout your essay for a stronger task response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

328 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The main aim of advertising is increasing sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Your Friend wants to send his/her children to your house for the weekend. Write a letter to him/her and say: - Agree to this arrangement - Say what time is suitable for you - Describe what are you planning to do

Nowadays, people live longer after retirement. What are the problems for individuals and society? What can be done to solve these problems?

In some countries, people who are unemployed receive a weekly payment from the government. Some people think that this payment should be stopped and that people should be made to work for their money. Do you agree or disagree?

The richer countries of the world spend billions on space travel and space exploration. Do you think this is a good use of money? What in your opinion could be done to better use the resources of a country?

Some people believe that schoolchildren should be made to wear a uniform. Others feel that children should be free to choose their own clothes. Discuss both sides of the argument. Do you agree or disagree with pupils wearing uniforms?