The main aim of advertising is increasing sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#aim #sales #products #people

Some people believe that many companies post advertisements just to boost the sales of their items which are not too necessary for customers.

While

I believe that there are some reasons

can

Correct pronoun usage

that can

show examples

be used to explain

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

this

idea, I

also

argue that the opposite

Change to the active voice

also prevails

has also prevailed

show examples

also

prevailed. On the one hand, it is a normal situation which occurs in many firms.

To begin

with,

this

is a way for them to survive in the business market. As the economic industry is undergoing

Remove the article

apply

show examples

rapid growth, many enterprises have appeared and

this

makes it more challenging for each of them to have a good position in the market.

As a result

, selling more products will be a backbone for them to stay alive. Another explanation is advertising things which are not too vital for buyers is

also

a method to publicize the image of one firm. More precisely, marketing silly items can impress people with a unique picture of a group.

For example

, a household company can spread its name to the public by commercializing more special creations apart from domestic appliances

On the other hand

, it may be

wrong

Change the article

the wrong

show examples

path for companies.

Initially

, useless outcomes are just a minor part

composing

Change preposition

of composing

show examples

the profit of a firm. The chairman of a business should not rely just on the mentioned items to run his company as the profit claimed from

this

acts as an additional income.

Moreover

, a false impression can be set on the group if they advertise

this

kind of invention. Announcing and trading

this

invention is a side field of them.

However

, if

this

field becomes successful, customers will forget the major categories

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

lead

Wrong verb form

leading

show examples

to a decrease in profit. In conclusion, it will be a great method for people to have a left-hand field to earn a living as it brings money and popularize the corporation’s image but it is not the main income and it can make humans have a misunderstanding about the organization.

Submitted by quynhtranhbh on Fri Nov 10 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

You need to structure your essay more logically by presenting ideas clearly and transitioning smoothly between paragraphs. Consider using more cohesive devices to link your sentences and paragraphs together more effectively.

task achievement

The response is relevant to the task but can be developed further. Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea and that this idea is fully developed with explanations and examples. Aim to address the prompt more directly throughout your essay for a stronger task response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

328 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
In some places, young people find it difficult to communicate with older people. Why is this? What are the solutions?
Communication with the elderly poses significant challenges for younger individuals due to the generation gap. To effectively address this issue, both teenagers and adults must hone their communication skills, and older adults should undergo technology training.
7
band
Many families move to different countries. Some people think children can benefit from this, while other consider it is hard for children if families move to a foreign country. Discuss both views and you opinion
It is argued that moving to a foreign country would be beneficial for members of the family, including children. While others believe that it is difficult for kids to adapt to a new country. In this essay, I am going to examine both these points of view and in my opinion, moving to different countries is suitable for children's development.
6.5
band
in many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, the population of elderly people has increased in many countries because individuals are living more than before. Although this trend undoubtedly has both positive and negative sides, in my opinion, the advantages of this phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages.
7
band
You live in a room in college which you share with another student. However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it very difficult to work. Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In the letter, • describe the situation • explain your problems and why it is difficult to work • say what kind of accommodation you would prefer
I am writing to inform you of my dissatisfaction with my new room in college, which I have to share with another person. This new situation gives me some difficulties I cannot do my work perfectly anymore.
5.5
band
In many countries,people are now living longer than ever before.Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments.Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned that people’s life is longer than before, while others consider this a positive phenomenon. From my perspective, an ageing population does more harm than good.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

The main aim of advertising is increasing sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

In some places, young people find it difficult to communicate with older people. Why is this? What are the solutions?

Many families move to different countries. Some people think children can benefit from this, while other consider it is hard for children if families move to a foreign country. Discuss both views and you opinion

In many countries,people are now living longer than ever before.Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments.Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+