The main aim of advertising is increasing sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#aim #sales #products #people

Some people believe that many companies post advertisements just to boost the sales of their items which are not too necessary for customers.

While

I believe that there are some reasons

can

Correct pronoun usage

that can

show examples

be used to explain

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

this

idea, I

also

argue that the opposite

Change to the active voice

also prevails

has also prevailed

show examples

also

prevailed. On the one hand, it is a normal situation which occurs in many firms.

To begin

with,

this

is a way for them to survive in the business market. As the economic industry is undergoing

Remove the article

apply

show examples

rapid growth, many enterprises have appeared and

this

makes it more challenging for each of them to have a good position in the market.

As a result

, selling more products will be a backbone for them to stay alive. Another explanation is advertising things which are not too vital for buyers is

also

a method to publicize the image of one firm. More precisely, marketing silly items can impress people with a unique picture of a group.

For example

, a household company can spread its name to the public by commercializing more special creations apart from domestic appliances

On the other hand

, it may be

wrong

Change the article

the wrong

show examples

path for companies.

Initially

, useless outcomes are just a minor part

composing

Change preposition

of composing

show examples

the profit of a firm. The chairman of a business should not rely just on the mentioned items to run his company as the profit claimed from

this

acts as an additional income.

Moreover

, a false impression can be set on the group if they advertise

this

kind of invention. Announcing and trading

this

invention is a side field of them.

However

, if

this

field becomes successful, customers will forget the major categories

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

lead

Wrong verb form

leading

show examples

to a decrease in profit. In conclusion, it will be a great method for people to have a left-hand field to earn a living as it brings money and popularize the corporation’s image but it is not the main income and it can make humans have a misunderstanding about the organization.

Submitted by quynhtranhbh on Fri Nov 10 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

You need to structure your essay more logically by presenting ideas clearly and transitioning smoothly between paragraphs. Consider using more cohesive devices to link your sentences and paragraphs together more effectively.

task achievement

The response is relevant to the task but can be developed further. Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea and that this idea is fully developed with explanations and examples. Aim to address the prompt more directly throughout your essay for a stronger task response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

328 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
some people think children should not be given homework every day, while others believe they should be given homework in order to be successful at school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There is no doubt that homework is not part of a school's syllabus.Right from when a child begins elementary school, they are most likely to be given one . Some say homework shouldn't be given on a daily basis , others believe it is necessary to make them thrive. In my opinion , I believe youngsters should be given assignments.
7
band
Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Social media has become an integral part of modern life, with millions of people worldwide using it on a daily basis to stay connected with friends and family, as well as to stay informed about current events. While social media undoubtedly has its benefits, such as the ability to connect with others across the world and to quickly disseminate information, there are also some potential drawbacks to consider.
5
band
It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age .Purnishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction .To what extent do you agree or disagree ?What sort of purnishment should patents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children ?
Many individuals believe that children should be taught the difference between right and wrong at an early age. However, there is a debatable issue as to whether or not giving a punishment is helpful for children’s learning. From my point of view, I totally agree with that statement and there are some appropriate punishments that should be used by parents and teachers that will be discussed in this essay.
7.5
band
Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
To begin, few individuals think that the major habitat consequences of this time are the deter of specific species of flora and Fauna, but others believe that environmental complication is a more crucial part of this. There are some points related to the statement Like climate changes in these eras and urbanisation in the modern world, then I will discuss both views in detail in upcoming paragraphs
8.5
band
A restaurant has placed an advertisement for waiters and waitresses in your local newspaper. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. Write a letter to the restaurant, applying for the job. In your letter: explain what you are currently doing describe your suitability for this area of work say when you can attend an interview.
I am writing this email regarding the advertisement you have published for hiring a waitress in your restaurant, which suits my conditions and abilities.

The main aim of advertising is increasing sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

some people think children should not be given homework every day, while others believe they should be given homework in order to be successful at school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.