Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Thanks to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technology every single part of

lives

Correct article usage

the lives

show examples

of people

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

changed

which

Correct word choice

and

show examples

the same can be said for the

time

Use synonyms

Change preposition

apply

show examples

some

children

Use synonyms

spending

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

on their smartphones.

This

Linking Words

provide

Change the verb form

provides

show examples

lorge

Correct your spelling

large

number of merits and e few demerits that

this

Linking Words

essay

discuss

Correct subject-verb agreement

discusses

show examples

about

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

. The Internet has facilitated human lives in many aspects.

For example

Linking Words

, nowadays people can buy everything

Change preposition

apply

show examples

online shopping and they

delivere

Correct your spelling

delivered

deliver

the things to them which can

decreased

Wrong verb form

decrease

show examples

air

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

pollution and

ofcourse

Correct your spelling

of course

traffic jams.

Moreover

Linking Words

, it provides a wide variety

online

Change preposition

of online

show examples

video games that

children

Use synonyms

can play

Change preposition

show examples

their

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

Furthermore

Linking Words

, schools use the Internet to hold

onlineclasses

Correct your spelling

online classes

puple

Correct your spelling

pupils

can utilize their phone to learn

somethings

Correct your spelling

some things

show examples

and widen their

horizens

Correct your spelling

horizons

toward the reality of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

life. because of these provided instances, the

time

Use synonyms

Change preposition

apply

show examples

many

children

Use synonyms

spend

Change the verb form

spends

show examples

on these smart

gajets

Correct your spelling

gadgets

However

Linking Words

, it has a lot of advantages and disadvantages for the

children

Use synonyms

. On the one hand, spending

numerous

Fix the agreement mistake

a lot of

show examples

time

Use synonyms

on technological phones

provide

Correct subject-verb agreement

provides

show examples

a large number of benefits. First and foremost, people, particularly

children

Use synonyms

, can

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

interaction

Replace the word

interact

show examples

with individuals all around

world

Add an article

the world

show examples

with the aim of sharing their ideas.

Secondly

Linking Words

, they can use some

spactacular

Correct your spelling

spectacular

websites

such

Linking Words

you tube

Correct your spelling

youtube

show examples

to learn any things regardless

their

Change preposition

of their

show examples

major and their country which is a poor country or a rich country.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, it is

undenyable

Correct your spelling

undeniable

that it

also

Linking Words

has e few drawbacks. First of all, it can cause many physical problems for those

children

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

, poor

eye-sight

Correct your spelling

eyesight

show examples

, obesity,

spinal-related

Correct word choice

and spinal-related

show examples

problems. Because, they have no physical activities during the

time

Use synonyms

that they are using their phones.

Moreover

Linking Words

, there are some websites which they are not proper for their age like pornography. In general, in the contemporary era,

due to

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

tecchnological

Correct your spelling

technological

development, some

children

Use synonyms

allocate most of their

time

Use synonyms

use

Wrong verb form

using

show examples

their

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

because they can play video

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

and participate in useful

claase

Correct your spelling

classes

with

this

Linking Words

verstile

Correct your spelling

versatile

tool.

This

Linking Words

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

a a lot of pros and

also

Linking Words

csome

Correct your spelling

some

come

ons, but I am of the opinion that its pros

outweight

Correct your spelling

outweigh

the cons.

rasulmaghsudi928Fri Nov 10 2023

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Coherence and Cohesion

Improve logical structure by organizing your ideas more coherently and cohesively. Ensure that your introduction and conclusion adequately address the topic and that your main points are well-supported throughout the essay.

Task Achievement

You need to fully address all aspects of the essay question. Ensure that your response is complete, your ideas are clear and comprehensive, and that you provide relevant and specific examples to support your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
48
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

342 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Your opinion

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private life? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative developnment?

Advancement in science is necessary for cancer treatment. To what extent do you agree or disagree.