IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

A test for cycling should be mandatory. Do you agree or disagree?

#test
A checkup for biking should not be optional. In my idea,
that is
 not a good opinion because some
people
 are not that good at cycling and they might get hurt during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cycling which
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
problem
Add an article
a problem
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
's personal life.
On the other hand
, by
appling
Correct your spelling
applying
this
 idea
people
 will be encouraged to work out more than they used to do. Regarding the advantage of
this
 belief, it is useful because as I mentioned
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the introduction can make
people
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
spend more time exercising and that
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
people
 to care about their health or
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 body more than usual.
In addition
 to
this
, nowadays most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 work at
office
Add an article
the office
an office
show examples
 and
due to
 that they do not burn that much energy and as
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 they end up being fat or they gain a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
 weight and
this
 plan can help them to spend more time outside their office under sunlight. In regard
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 of
this
 way of thinking and why I disagree with it, forcing
people
 to do something is not a good idea and as
Add an article
a result
show examples
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
people
 may complain about that.
In addition
, some
people
 might have their own
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their life
for example
 some
people
 have to study to get
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their chosen university or maybe a few
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
people
 need to work to make money
otherwise
 they cannot pay their depth.
Overall
, I think
that is
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 concept but in the wrong way.
Correct your spelling
Government
Goverment
Correct your spelling
Government
 should encourage
people
 by suggesting
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
some
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 or some gifts. By doing
this
 not only you can make
people
 to pay more attention to their body but
also
 they will not have any problem
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 that.
Submitted by parsahassani077 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
The essay does not fully address the prompt and does not provide a clear position on the topic. It lacks a clear introduction and conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and coherent structure. The main points are not well-organized and the progression of ideas is unclear.
Lexical Resource
There is a limited range of vocabulary and the word choice is often inaccurate. There is confusion in expressing ideas which affects the overall clarity of the essay.
Grammatical Range
There are numerous grammatical errors throughout the essay, including subject-verb agreement, misuse of prepositions, and sentence structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: