You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.
Being a superpower means not only becoming economically superior. There are several factors which are influencing which
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
citizens
unhappy though the country
tries to accumulate more and more wealth
. I strongly agree with it and discuss the following below.
Firstly
, it is not like the country
is wealthy and it also
accounts the citizens
of its country
are also
wealthy. It means that income
levels of the countrymen are Correct article usage
the income
also
raised. Just raising the GDP of the country
alone is not required, the government should make efforts to elevate the individual's wealth
. For instance
, the country
can create new job opportunities which in turn provide better salaries and this
makes the citizens
happy. Also
, government
can Add an article
the government
also
support new entrepreneurs which can create plethora
of jobs Add an article
a plethora
to
Change preposition
for
citizens
.
The above factor alone cannot make citizens
satisfied. Human
Development Index Correct article usage
The Human
also
comes into Correct article usage
the picture
picture
. The Correct article usage
the picture
country
should provide basic amenities like food, water and education to the countrymen. These
makes all sectors of people to be happy and it Correct pronoun usage
This
also
improve
the global stature of the Change the verb form
improves
country
. The additional economical
value can Correct word choice
economic
also
triggers
the Change the verb form
trigger
politicans
to invest in some unwanted wars which worries the Correct your spelling
politicians
citizens
even more.
However
, additional
Add an article
an additional
the additional
wealth
of the country
do
help the Change the verb form
does
country
in some emergency situations like wars and natural calamities. They can provide financial aid to some third world
nations since they have Add a hyphen
third-world
surplus
amount of Add an article
a surplus
the
Correct article usage
apply
wealth
. Even this
makes the country
proud.
To conclude
, economical
growth alone cannot contribute towards Replace the word
economic
happiness
of the people. I personally agree human development and Correct article usage
the happiness
percapita
income Correct your spelling
per capita
matters
more and it will Correct subject-verb agreement
matter
makes
the Wrong verb form
make
country
a complete superpower.Submitted by vigvic013 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has several coherence and cohesion issues such as lack of clear introduction and conclusion, as well as disorganized development of ideas. The logical structure of your essay needs improvement.
task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the task, but it lacks clear and comprehensive development of ideas. The examples provided are not very relevant to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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