the chart below show the results of a survey of adult education. the first chart shows the reasons why adults decide to study. the pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult educations should be shared

the chart below show the results of a survey of adult education. the first chart shows the reasons why adults decide to study. the pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult educations should be shared
The bar chart gives information about the
percentage
of adults’ reasons for pursuing their
study
,
while
the pie chart illustrates the educational
costs
sharing.
Overall
, being interested in the subject is the main purpose of adults to
study
,
while
meeting new people shows the reverse.
Additionally
, individuals should
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
a major contribution to the educational
costs
. To commence with,
subject related
Add a hyphen
subject-related
show examples
reasons become the highest
percentage
at 40% compared to others, followed by gaining qualification purpose at 38%.
In addition
, continuing
study
to support adults’ jobs stands at 22%,
while
the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
getting a promotion and enjoying studying share the same
percentage
at 20%.
Furthermore
, the
percentage
of changing a job purpose is not as much as previous reasons, where it is at 12%. The
last
reason is to meet people, becoming the least reason to
study
at only 9%. In terms of sharing the
costs
of education, the individual's shared
costs
accounts
Change the verb form
account
show examples
for 40%,
while
employers are lower by 5% than the previous one.
Lastly
, the taxpayer is the smallest portion at only 25% of total
costs
shared.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, study, costs with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

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