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Band 6

the chart below show the results of a survey of adult education. the first chart shows the reasons why adults decide to study. the pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult educations should be shared

the chart below show the results of a survey of adult education. the first chart shows the reasons why adults decide to study. the pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult educations should be shared
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The bar chart gives information about the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of adults’ reasons for pursuing their
study
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart illustrates the educational
costs
Use synonyms
 sharing.
Overall
Linking Words
, being interested in the subject is the main purpose of adults to
study
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 meeting new people shows the reverse.
Additionally
Linking Words
, individuals should
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 a major contribution to the educational
costs
Use synonyms
. To commence with,
subject related
Add a hyphen
subject-related
show examples
 reasons become the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 at 40% compared to others, followed by gaining qualification purpose at 38%.
In addition
Linking Words
, continuing
study
Use synonyms
 to support adults’ jobs stands at 22%,
while
Linking Words
 the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 getting a promotion and enjoying studying share the same
percentage
Use synonyms
 at 20%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of changing a job purpose is not as much as previous reasons, where it is at 12%. The
last
Linking Words
 reason is to meet people, becoming the least reason to
study
Use synonyms
 at only 9%. In terms of sharing the
costs
Use synonyms
 of education, the individual's shared
costs
Use synonyms
accounts
Change the verb form
account
show examples
 for 40%,
while
Linking Words
 employers are lower by 5% than the previous one.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the taxpayer is the smallest portion at only 25% of total
costs
Use synonyms
 shared.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, study, costs with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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