IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming the lives of consumers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#technologies #lives #consumers
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The transformation of
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
lives
are
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is
show examples
 caused
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 recent technologies and ways of purchasing and selling. Based on my personal perspectives, I strongly agree that
this
 condition brings
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better improvement to consumers’
lives
.
It is clear that
,
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apply
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 the economic roles are the crucial thing in our
lives
.
Moreover
, as a human being who always wants more, the renovation is a must. Not only in the social and health sides but
also
 in
supply
Correct article usage
the supply
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 and demand field. I personally have some
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 that can support my point of view.
Firstly
, technologies are invented to serve us in
this
 field.
For instance
, in the past,
people
 used many objects as
a
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apply
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payment,
such
 as vegetables, animals, and
their
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apply
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other stuff in order to barter with one another.
Then
, time by time, humans create tools to create a currency for payment,
which
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in which
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 coin and paper money are involved in the transaction.
Not to mention
 the cashless nowadays.
As a result
, technologies will be always improved to serve
people
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people's
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 needs.
Secondly
, consumers nowadays want
the
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apply
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comfortable ways to buy their needs.
This
 condition leads to the creativity of sellers to provide
Correct article usage
a better
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better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 to trade their products. For the evidence, in Indonesia,
generally
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generally,
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 most regions have traditional markets for trading.
However
, because of modernism, more consumers
prefer
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prefer to
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 choose the comfortable and suitable place to purchase their needs, so they prefer to shop online rather than to go to physical markets.
this
 condition makes sellers adapt
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the situation and intuitively,
this
 way transforms the style of trading lately.
To conclude
that
Correct word choice
apply
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, the ways of buying and selling are changing the
consumers
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consumer's
consumers'
show examples
lives
become
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to become
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 better and
efficient
Correct quantifier usage
more efficient
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. In line
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 that, the technology that humans create
is
Verb problem
has
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 a purpose to serve
people
 efficiently. Because of those reasons, I agree that
this
 transformation
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 us more benefits.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point and provide clear topic sentences to guide the reader through your arguments. Use linking words to show the connections between your ideas.
task achievement
Provide a more balanced view by addressing counterarguments and considering different perspectives. Support your points with more specific and relevant examples to enhance the validity of your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • transforming
  • consumers
  • buying and selling
  • new technologies
  • revolutionized
  • consumer experience
  • e-commerce
  • convenience
  • range of options
  • mobile payment systems
  • transactions
  • challenges
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