In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?

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In a plethora of states, the

extend

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extent

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of life is greater than it used to be. A number of

people

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say that older

people

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are problematic for

the

Correct article usage

apply

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governments,

while

Linking Words

other

Fix the agreement mistake

others

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think that there are some advantages of having

mostly

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a mostly

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aging population.

This

Linking Words

essay agrees with the first statement, as elderlies can put a lot of pressure on the

economic

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economy

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and the healthcare systems in a country. On the one side, a society

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apply

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consisted

Wrong verb form

consisting

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primarly

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primarily

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older

people

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, who are still vital, means that they can be involved in the business world without the complications that young

people

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can cause.

In other words

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, individuals above

certain

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a certain

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age do not have little kids to take care of or additional education.

Moreover

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, they are disciplined and have the experience, which youngsters don't yet possess.

For example

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, my

mother in-law

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mother-in-law

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is 63, but she is still working and her boss is very happy with her,

due to

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her professionalism.

Overall

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, an old person can benefit the system if he or she is healthy and able to perform.

However

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this

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is not the case with most of the elderly

people

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. The

major part

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majority

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of them suffer from a number of chronic medical conditions and

therefore

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, they are not able to work or to be beneficial members of

the

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apply

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society.

This

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results in lots of pressure on the government, especially regarding the economic and healthcare sectors, spending money and time, which could never be brought back.

For instance

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, Italy, a country with

mostly

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a mostly

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old population, made a report in 2020 which

Unnecessary verb

apply

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showed that the country spends more than 5 million euros per year for pensions and healthcare for

people

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above 65, and if

this

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tendency

keep

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keeps

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increasing, the economy of the state will collapse. In conclusion, I think that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages when it comes to government problems, caused by most elderly consisted society.

delulchevaSat Nov 11 2023

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Improvement Suggestions

task response

Your essay provides a clear position on the issue and supports it with relevant examples. However, the response to the task could be more comprehensive.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present, and the main points are supported with examples. However, the logical structure could be improved to enhance coherence.

lexical resource

Your use of vocabulary is generally effective, but there are some inaccuracies and inconsistencies. Aim for more precise and varied vocabulary to enhance your lexical resource.

grammatical range

There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing present. Aim for more complexity and accuracy in your sentence structures and grammar usage.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

312 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
benefits
disadvantages
advantages
experience
knowledge
contribution
economy
society
healthcare
youth employment
community
intergenerational support
volunteerism
mentorship
increased demand
pension costs
social welfare systems
workforce
productivity
intergenerational conflict
technological adaptability
dependency
effective
skill development
employment opportunities
intergenerational solidarity
communication
lifelong learning
technological literacy
age-friendly
social policies
infrastructure

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