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Band 5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society
In a plethora of states, the
extend
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extent
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 of life is greater than it used to be. A number of
people
 say that older
people
 are problematic for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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governments,
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 think that there are some advantages of having
mostly
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a mostly
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 aging population.
This
 essay agrees with the first statement, as elderlies can put a lot of pressure on the
economic
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economy
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 and the healthcare systems in a country. On the one side, a society
,
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apply
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consisted
Wrong verb form
consisting
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primarly
Correct your spelling
primarily
by
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of
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 older
people
, who are still vital, means that they can be involved in the business world without the complications that young
people
 can cause.
In other words
, individuals above
certain
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a certain
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 age do not have little kids to take care of or additional education.
Moreover
, they are disciplined and have the experience, which youngsters don't yet possess.
For example
, my
mother in-law
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mother-in-law
show examples
 is 63, but she is still working and her boss is very happy with her,
due to
 her professionalism.
Overall
, an old person can benefit the system if he or she is healthy and able to perform.
However
,
this
 is not the case with most of the elderly
people
. The
major part
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majority
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 of them suffer from a number of chronic medical conditions and
therefore
, they are not able to work or to be beneficial members of
the
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apply
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society.
This
 results in lots of pressure on the government, especially regarding the economic and healthcare sectors, spending money and time, which could never be brought back.
For instance
, Italy, a country with
mostly
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a mostly
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 old population, made a report in 2020 which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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showed that the country spends more than 5 million euros per year for pensions and healthcare for
people
 above 65, and if
this
 tendency
keep
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keeps
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 increasing, the economy of the state will collapse. In conclusion, I think that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages when it comes to government problems, caused by most elderly consisted society.
Submitted by delulcheva on

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task response
Your essay provides a clear position on the issue and supports it with relevant examples. However, the response to the task could be more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, and the main points are supported with examples. However, the logical structure could be improved to enhance coherence.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is generally effective, but there are some inaccuracies and inconsistencies. Aim for more precise and varied vocabulary to enhance your lexical resource.
grammatical range
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing present. Aim for more complexity and accuracy in your sentence structures and grammar usage.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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