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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In the past, people used to travel abroad to look for many differences from their home country. Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar. What are the reasons？Is this a positive or negative development？

#people #travel #differences #home #country #cities #world #reasons？is #development？
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With the purpose of discovering and learning many new things which are different from their hometowns,
people
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 frequently travel to other foreign nations, leading to a popular trend in
cities
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 throughout the
world
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.
This
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 phenomenon, which brings both positive and negative effects, may be driven by some reasonable factors. There are a host of reasons for the situation that the similarity of
cities
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 throughout the
world
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 is increasing considerably. The most significant reasons related to the economy of a nation and its citizens should be considered. When the need to discover new things in other
countries
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 increases,
this
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 is a potential opportunity for the government to develop the domestic tourism sector. In the way of customizing the
cities
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 that
people
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 are concerned about, authorities can attract more local tourists
for instance
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. Developing more similar
cities
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 is a way of helping citizens absorb the difference between foreign
countries
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 in a short-term distance at a lower cost, which can be invested in other activities of the government, to apply for their own
countries
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.
Besides
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, it should be noted that the discussed topic brings positive development. On the one hand,
this
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 development can be positive in some aspects.
In particular
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,
this
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 trend is beneficial for
people
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 when they live in other
countries
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. It means that similar
cities
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 to their hometowns help them to adapt to a new environment in a more easy way.
On the other hand
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, similar
cities
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 all over the
world
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 may result in detrimental consequences.
For example
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, Each place probably loses its own uniqueness or local features which characterize itself in the memory of other
people
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.
This
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 may result in the situation that the number of tourists may have a downtrend over time because
people
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 become less interested in common things. In conclusion, the aforementioned reasons are convincing to understand why
cities
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 in many different sectors of the
world
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 tend to be similar.
Consequently
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,
this
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 trend has positive effects on many
countries
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.
Submitted by jakedth162 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task prompt but lacks a clear position throughout. To improve your Task Achievement score, ensure you fully develop your argument with a clear opinion on whether the global similarity of cities is positive or negative. Also, provide a balanced discussion if you believe it has both positive and negative aspects, ensuring a conclusion that reflects your overall viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
You have attempted to organize your essay into paragraphs, but the essay lacks clear progression of ideas. Use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas more effectively and have a clear central topic in each paragraph. Connect your ideas to support your argument throughout the essay to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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