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Band 6.5

Many cities are now turning parks and farmland into new housing developments. Is this a positive or negative development?

#cities #parks #farmland #developments #development
In today’s world, the housing problem has become one of the biggest discussions. Demolishing natural resources and building houses have become more and more common. In
this
 essay, I intend to discuss both the pros and cons. On the one hand, from the perspective of some optimists, there are a lot of benefits
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 trend. One prime advantage is that it is conducive to solving the housing problems.
In other words
, converting parks and farms into residences is able to provide more opportunities for those who want to have a stable place to live. Without those buildings, citizens would have heavier pressure to own a house. At the same time, it can
also
 boost economic growth. To elaborate, the increase in house quantity is likely to gain more national revenue.
Therefore
, it is possible to make the country more competitive.
On the other hand
, changing the parks and farmland to buildings has several impacts on the environment and public health. With regard to the former, the reduction of plants will cause a great deal of contamination and waste. To explain, without enough plants, global warming would become more and more serious.
Thus
, it puts pressure on natural resources. The other impact is that it can cause some health problems. I mean to say that the public has fewer venues to jog or run.
This
 issue is detrimental to our immune systems and it can give rise to some diseases, like diabetes and anemia. In conclusion,
although
 turning parks and farmland into buildings is beneficial to mitigate housing problems and develop economic growth, it is harmful to the environment and individuals’ health.
Submitted by 1550018584 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and develops one main idea. Use linking words to connect ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
Good introduction and conclusion. Address each part of the prompt more directly to improve task response. Provide more specific examples to support your points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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