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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

A healthy person is often described as someone who has a good diet, gets plenty of exerciseand avoids stress. What should people do to stay healthy in your country? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#person #someone #diet #plenty #exerciseand #stress #people #country
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As the saying goes, "Health is wealth,"
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means energy plays a vital role in everyone's life. When a
person
Use synonyms
's heart is strong, his mind will be active. A healthy
person
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 can make better decisions than other
people
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.
First,
Linking Words
a
person
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's strength is determined by what they eat and what they do. Everyone needs to adopt a good lifestyle.
Secondly
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, to avoid stress,
people
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 must do some exercises like yoga, meditation and gym.
Thirdly
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, if a
person
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 has a kind heart,
then
Linking Words
 he can
also
Linking Words
 be considered healthy. In our country,
people
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 are aware
because
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 they live in a polluted environment and have some responsibility in stressful situations. In the past, they often fell ill and were always in a low mood. Now, they know the strong consciousness and have adopted a better lifestyle by changing their eating habits to eat more leafy vegetables, less meat and more salads. To avoid stress, the best solution is to do lots of exercise It relaxes your body, leading to a better mental state. A healthy
person
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 thinks and implements ideas positively. As far as I know, I changed a lot after doing yoga and adopted good eating habits. Before
this
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, I was bored with even small amounts of work.
This
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 annoys me and disrupts my family life. Once healthy, I played an important role in my child's development by being a role model for her,
such
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 as being proactive. I can make better decisions now than before.
Finally
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, I would like to say, don't neglect your health, because strong
people
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 are happier. If we lose money, status or anything, except health, we will get it back. They
then
Linking Words
 try to stay healthy by changing their eating habits and exercising.
Submitted by carolwan18 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear response to the task with relevant points. However, it would benefit from more specific examples to support your main ideas. Consider adding real-life instances or statistical data to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is fully elaborated. For instance, you could further explain how exactly yoga and good eating habits contribute to a healthier life, perhaps by referencing scientific studies or personal anecdotes.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay by using more transitional phrases. This will help to link your ideas more smoothly and make your essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. However, consider making the conclusion slightly more impactful by summarizing the main points briefly before delivering your final remarks.
introduction conclusion present
You have a strong introduction that sets the stage for your discussion on health. It captures the reader’s attention well by emphasizing the importance of health in life.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively wraps up your essay by stressing the importance of health and ends on a positive note.
logical structure
Your essay is generally well-structured with paragraphs focused on specific points, contributing to its overall readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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