IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that young people should spend their free time with family rather than go to entertainment activities outside the house. Some disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #entertainment #activities #house #disagree
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often debated whether children should primarily stay at home and accompany their parents or if they should spend more
time
Use synonyms
 hanging out with
friends
Use synonyms
. On one hand, the unpredictability of
life
Use synonyms
 urges us to cherish the
time
Use synonyms
 spent with our loved ones, with family being the foremost priority. Families provide unwavering support and are always there for us, making it crucial for young people to spend
time
Use synonyms
 with them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, nurturing one's social
life
Use synonyms
 is equally important.
While
Linking Words
 we cannot choose our family, we can choose
friends
Use synonyms
 who share our interests. Sometimes, it's challenging to express ourselves freely at home
due to
Linking Words
 parental expectations.
However
Linking Words
, maintaining a healthy social
life
Use synonyms
 is essential for personal growth. Humans cannot endure prolonged oppression, making it vital to go out, chat with
friends
Use synonyms
, and pursue shared dreams. Finding a balance between family and personal activities can be challenging. In my case, striking
this
Linking Words
 balance was difficult because my brother often found himself in trouble, leading to conflicts with our parents. I spent a considerable amount of
time
Use synonyms
 mediating between my brother and parents, dedicating almost a year to addressing family issues. Now, I've realized that family isn't the sole aspect of my
life
Use synonyms
. I've started participating in more activities with
friends
Use synonyms
, recognizing the importance of finding my passion and diligently pursuing it. In the conclusion, both statements are deemed significant. Children should have their own lives, but it is crucial not to overlook the importance of spending
time
Use synonyms
 with their families.
This
Linking Words
 balance ensures that they won't
harbor
Change the spelling
harbour
show examples
 regrets as they grow up.
Submitted by vivian901014 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that all parts of the essay are addressing the prompt directly
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow and coherence between ideas in the essay
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely
grammatical range
Diversify the sentence structures and improve accuracy in grammar usage

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: