There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

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Nowadays,Young
students
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are facing a lot of pressure to obtain successful academic studies.
Hence
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,some people believe that courses
such
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as art and sports must be removed from the educational system, in order to encourage children to focus on academic work.
However
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, I disagree with that statement and I will explain why in
this
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essay. Introducing children to non-academic
subjects
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is without a doubt crucial to their education.It helps uncover hidden talents they may have,which will lead to giving
students
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more options in the future. As we all know
this
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world has different jobs and occupations,
such
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as doctors,teachers and artists, which guarantee balance in daily life.
Thus
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,it is important to teach
subjects
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like art and physical education to encourage
students
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to find their passion
,
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apply
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and decide what they want to become in the future.To illustrate, a study at New York University showed that 86.4% of young people who studied academic and non-academic
subjects
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were able to choose their
career
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careers
show examples
wisely.
While
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the ones who did not get that chance, struggled to determine if they
want
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wanted
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a certain job or not,and they ended up quitting.
Moreover
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,it is important to teach children those
subjects
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because it helps reduce stress.
Also
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, it can be the perfect escape they need in order to focus on other
subjects
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.As we know, a child needs some time to have fun.In fact, that can be a good reason for them to enjoy being at school.
For instance
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,an article in Le Matin newspaper showed that
students
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at schools that
offers
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offer
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a variety of
subjects
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are often relaxed and have better grades than others who only study academic
subjects
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.
To sum up
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,presenting a variety of
subjects
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in educational institutions is key to success, because it allows young people to discover new things and determine what they want to be in the future.
Thus
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, I totally disagree with the idea of only teaching academic material.
Submitted by kaoutar.eljaouhari50 on

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Task Achievement
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay shows good logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure that the ideas are logically organized within paragraphs and across the entire essay.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary. However, consider using more advanced vocabulary and idiomatic expressions to enhance the lexical resource.
Grammatical Range
Your grammatical range is generally good, with a variety of sentence structures used. Watch out for tense consistency and minor errors in subject-verb agreement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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