IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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It is argued that many governments believe that economic advance is the most necessary end for the nation.
While
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 the other group think other types of progress are of equal importance for a country. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and present my opinion. Those who believe economic development is in high vitality, claim
this
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 point of view
due to
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 some reasons.
For instance
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, they consider the economy as the most important element of a country’s improvement. Notions with high value of currency have greater access to the world’s best technologies, education, medication etc.
Moreover
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, higher standards of life are offered to the people. By relying on their wealth, they provide the best facilities
such
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 as hospitals, high-quality academies and luxurious recreational places.
On the other hand
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, individuals who believe the reverse, factor in other aspects of development, which are as crucial as the economy. They claim that authorities should consider environmental, cultural and social advances too.
This
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 group mention some wealthy countries in which social justice does not exist among their nations.
Moreover
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, a country with a polluted nature, but a huge amount of money is not valuable, owing to the fact that the land’s future is in danger, and the next generation will be the victims of today’s actions. For these reasons, I strongly agree with the latter group.
Although
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 the importance of economic progress is fundamental, I believe all the other aforementioned ends are vital for a country, and we cannot choose one over another. To put it in a nutshell, economic development is very necessary, but there are some other goals which we shouldn’t ignore. As a whole, all these different aspects together can boost the notion’s situation.

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task achievement
Ensure you provide specific examples to support your main points. While you have outlined the general views, adding real-world examples or data would strengthen the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Develop paragraphs further; some ideas could be expanded for clarity. Each paragraph should revolve around a single main idea and explore it comprehensively.
lexical resource
Work on the range of vocabulary utilized. Use a broader array of structure and language to communicate ideas, and avoid repetition of words and phrases.
grammatical range and accuracy
Enhance the essay by varying sentence structures more. Use complex and compound sentences to articulate points more precisely and demonstrate grammatical range.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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