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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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It has been widely claimed that smartphones are used by some young people for hours every day.
This
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 essay will first discuss the reason for the behaviour of using smartphones with
children
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 before elaborating on why I consider it to be a negative improvement.
To begin
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 with, it might seem reasonable for some to believe the claim because nowadays the
smartphone
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 is involved with basic activities of
children
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such
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 as communication or studying
due to
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 the technological development in society.
For example
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, many
children
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 use it to research knowledge from the internet and to communicate with their parents, since it is easier and more convenient than going to the library and writing a letter. From
this
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 perspective, it is understandable that using smartphones become an essential thing among them and it cannot be avoided because it is an important tool for routine life.
However
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, I personally believe that the circumstance leads to negative development because it could reduce the concentration of
children
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 on their education in physical classes in school.
For instance
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, using a
smartphone
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 to search for information could be a convenient and easy method because it is fast to assess the data,
however
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, it can cause any child to lack endurable skills in no available internet situation in case they only spend a too long duration of time on a
smartphone
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.
As a consequence
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, it would have a negative effect on their learning development in school. In conclusion, it is undeniable that a
smartphone
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 is a useful tool for young people, I am the option to believe that uncontrolled time to use technology could cause a negative side because it could be an obstacle to developing some skills of offspring
such
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 as concentration and tolerance on education.
Submitted by kanittha.sma on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a consistent logical flow between ideas and paragraphs. Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the connectivity of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your introduction and conclusion by explicitly stating your opinion or summarizing the key points of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop the main points more fully by adding more detailed explanations, evidence, and examples that directly support your argument.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task by providing a balanced discussion of why children spend time on smartphones and the implications of this behavior.
task achievement
Clarify and expand your main ideas to ensure they are thoroughly explained and easy to understand. Avoid vague statements.
task achievement
Use precise and pertinent examples to illustrate your points and make your argument more convincing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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