The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. many of the problems young people now experience such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this option?

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It is undeniable that

this

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fast-paced life significantly affects the lives of individuals especially women because it was not possible for ladies to work before but now they are working too. Since many people consider them the root cause of juvenile delinquency. I fully disagree with

this

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notion

due to

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the reasons explained in the following paragraphs.

To begin

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with, several stereotypes in

this

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society still exist.

Firstly

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, it is considered men as the only breadwinners in the family

while

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females are typically expected to complete household chores and child-rearing which makes it difficult for a mother to be independent.

For instance

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, housewives have to take responsibility for teaching kids and instilling good manners among them, cooking food, and tidying up the residence.

Therefore

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, taking care of housework and educating correct moral values to youngsters are the primary obligations for females in the family.

However

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, numerous factors impact juvenile delinquency

besides

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maternal employment

such

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as peer pressure, media exposure, and the educational environment as shaping their mind is the easiest task. Meanwhile, they become easily influenced by anyone and try to imitate the actions of another person.

Hence

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, thereby complicating the attribution of youth issues solely to worker mothers is not the best idea.

Furthermore

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, there are positive outcomes associated with women working,

such

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as financial stability for the family, role modelling for their children, and increased family resources that can enhance the opportunities for offspring.

To conclude

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, the blame on the mother overlooks the important role that father and society play in child upbringing as there are ample factors responsible for delinquency which can only be solved with the help of everyone's support.

k7jassuFri Nov 22 2024

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Clarity

Be sure to clarify your main points more consistently throughout the essay for better readability and understanding.

Development

Consider expanding on the examples given. For example, elaborate on how peer pressure or media exposure affects juvenile delinquency.

Conclusion

Try to tie your conclusion more explicitly to the main points discussed in the body paragraphs to strengthen coherence across your essay.

Task Response

The essay provides a complete response to the task, addressing the disagreement with the stated notion about women's employment and juvenile delinquency.

Coherence and Cohesion

There is clear introduction and conclusion, which successfully frames the argument and ties the essay together.

Task Achievement

The essay mentions various perspectives, such as the impact of peer pressure and media, which provides a comprehensive take on the issue of juvenile delinquency.

13
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

274 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

juvenile delinquency
cultural shift
traditional family dynamics
socio-economic conditions
peer pressure
media exposure
educational environments
maternal employment
financial stability
role modeling
flexible working hours
remote work options
supportive parenting structures
community programs
extracurricular activities
gender roles

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