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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

68.The charts below show the amount of financial aid that four countries received and how the money was spent in 1974 and 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

68.The charts below show the amount of financial aid that four countries received and how the money was spent in 1974 and 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#show #amount #aid #four #countries #money #information #features #comparisons
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The bar graph illustrates the distribution of monetary support in three aspects in 1974 and 2014,
while
Linking Words
 the table shows the amount of financial aid that the countries received in the same years.
Overall
Linking Words
, in 1975, the distribution of the money was mainly used in medicine aspects,
while
Linking Words
 in 2014 was in finance, and all countries received more financial aid in 1974 than in 2014. In 1974, 80
million
Use synonyms
 of the money was spent on medicine, in the next 40 years the amount decreased by 20
million
Use synonyms
, to 60
million
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 catering had the biggest change, in the first year 70
million
Use synonyms
 was used in
this
Linking Words
 field, but in 2014, it dropped dramatically to 15
million
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, financial aspects varied moderately, from 70
million
Use synonyms
 to 65
million
Use synonyms
 in 1974 and 2014 respectively. All countries received higher financial help in 1974 than in 2014, China had the biggest difference, in 1974, they received 62
million
Use synonyms
, but
this
Linking Words
 went down steadily to only 6
million
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 in 2014. Thailand had a difference of 30
million
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, it dropped from 48
million
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 to 18
million
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 Indonesia only dropped by 15
million
Use synonyms
, from 55
million
Use synonyms
 in 1974 to 30
million
Use synonyms
 in 2014.
Finally
Linking Words
, South Africa received the highest financial aid in both years, with 65
million
Use synonyms
 in 1974 and 42
million
Use synonyms
 in 2014.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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