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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, young people are moving from rural areas to cities to work or study. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #areas #cities #work #study #trend
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In
this
 contemporary era, most young people from rural are moving to metropolitan for schooling or jobs. It is known that
this
 trend has various advantages and disadvantages. From my point of view, moving to
cities
 brings more benefits than staying in the
countryside
 and my vital reasons will be analysed in the essay below
Firstly
, in the urban area, education is more advanced when compared to the
countryside
. Teachers in rural schools just concentrate on compulsory subjects
instead
 of paying more attention to practical knowledge and social experience, which help students a lot in their future lives.
Furthermore
, in
cities
, there are not only native advanced teachers but
also
 foreign teachers who have many effective study methods.
For example
, in
countryside
 schools or universities learners can only select either their mother tongue and English as a primary or secondary language, but in
cities
, there will be multiple choices; we can optional for foreign dialect as secondary.
Secondly
, in the
countryside
, job opportunities are very few. Living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
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 in rural areas are not very high, so most big companies and industries are located mainly in the
cities
.
For example
, a man has graduated from his hometown, which is a small town. Still, he is working in a metropolitan
city
 because none of the business in his hometown is suitable for his educational field, qualification and the skill set he has. So he has to move to the
city
 to get better opportunities where he can utilise his education and skills efficiently
In contrast
, there are disadvantages of living in the
city
,
such
 as pollution. The
city
 is home to many factories and enterprises.
In addition
, vehicles emitted a large amount of dust and smoke, polluting the air and causing many diseases for people. The essay shows that most people who are moving from rural to metropolitan are benefiting from knowledge
as well as
 careers.
Submitted by teachingqa272 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clear, summarizing the topic and your argument effectively. The conclusion could be more conclusive and reflect upon the introduction, showing closure to the discussion.
supported main points
While main points are supported, the supporting details could be enhanced by including more specific examples and evidence that are concrete, pertinent, and better illustrate the arguments.
complete response
Your essay should offer a balanced discussion on both sides of the argument and then clearly state your position stating whether the advantages do outweigh the disadvantages, as the question asks.
logical structure
Develop ideas in a logical sequence. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that subsequent sentences expand on that idea in a coherent manner.
clear comprehensive ideas
Try to present ideas comprehensively by elaborating and exemplifying each point made. Every advantage and disadvantage mentioned could be explained further to fully convey its significance.
relevant specific examples
Use specific, detailed examples to support your points rather than hypothetical ones. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Metropolitan
  • Career advancement
  • Higher education institutions
  • Cultural diversity
  • Infrastructure
  • Rural exodus
  • Standard of living
  • Networking
  • Overcrowding
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Quality of life
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