IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

68.The charts below show the average temperatures in 12 months in three cities and how many hours of sunshine these cities have in a year. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

68.The charts below show the average temperatures in 12 months in three cities and how many hours of sunshine these cities have in a year. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#show #temperatures #months #three #cities #hours #sunshine #year #information #features #comparisons
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The line graph illustrates the average monthly
temperature
Use synonyms
 in different cities and the table shows the
hours
Use synonyms
 of
sunshine
Use synonyms
 in these cities in one year.
Overall
Linking Words
,
London
Use synonyms
 and New
York
Use synonyms
 have similar variations in
temperature
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 Sydney’s monthly
temperature
Use synonyms
 is different. Another significant feature is that
London
Use synonyms
's
sunshine
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 are the shortest. The months from June to August are summer in
London
Use synonyms
 and New
York
Use synonyms
, with 20
ºC
Use synonyms
 to 22.5
ºC
Use synonyms
 in
London
Use synonyms
 and approximately 27.5
ºC
Use synonyms
 in New
York
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,
while
Linking Words
 in Sydney is winter, in which the
temperature
Use synonyms
 varies between 15
ºC
Use synonyms
 and 17.5
ºC
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, December, January and February are winters in New
York
Use synonyms
, where the
temperature
Use synonyms
 varies between 4
ºC
Use synonyms
 and 6
ºC
Use synonyms
, in
London
Use synonyms
, the
temperature
Use synonyms
 is a little bit higher, from 6
ºC
Use synonyms
 to 10
ºC
Use synonyms
. Sydney's summer season
temperature
Use synonyms
 is higher than the other mentioned cities with 26
ºC
Use synonyms
 to 30
ºC
Use synonyms
. New
York
Use synonyms
 has the largest annual
sunshine
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
, with 2633
hours
Use synonyms
, which is approximately 100
hours
Use synonyms
 more than Sydney, which has 2520.
Finally
Linking Words
,
London
Use synonyms
’s
sunshine
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 are less than half of Sydney’s , with 1196
hours
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words temperature, hours, sunshine, london, york, ºc with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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