72.In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some peole work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard?
It is argued that at school, university and
work
, there are individuals
who work
harder than others. The reason for this
statement because of how competitive is society is nowadays and is a good thing that people
always work
hard.
People
are working harder because of the increasing competitiveness in society in both work
and studies. This
is because there are only a few job and career opportunities, and only those with the best results are the ones that are able to get the offer, so if people
do not work
hard, they may have difficulties in looking for a job, and the salaries that are given. For example
, schools in China are very competitive, and students during their years in high school, will be studying almost every day because there are too many students and only around one-tenth or less of students are able to enter university.
Individuals
should always work
hard. This
is because normally people
make an effort to get something that they want, or they have a goal, and having a goal, individuals
have the power to do everything that is
needed, and this
will allow them to be more successful in the future. Also
, although
if they fail once, they know that they have to work
hard, and won’t regret it, and may continue trying it. For instance
, many famous people
in the past, had bad moments and moments where others did not believe in them, but they passed through those moments and turned into very successful people
.
In conclusion, some individuals
work
harder than others because of the high level of competitiveness at school and at work
, everyone should work
hard because is the key to success.Submitted by elenazheng1211 on
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coherence cohesion
The introduction is lacking a clear statement of the writer's position and the conclusion does not neatly summarize the main points. Try to provide a clear position in the introduction and ensure that the conclusion restates the main points effectively.
task achievement
The response addresses the task to some extent and presents a few relevant ideas. However, it lacks depth and specific examples to support the points made. Try to develop the main points more fully and use specific examples to illustrate the ideas presented.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite