76.Nowadays some older people choose to live in retirement communities with other people instead of living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development?
It is argued that now some older
individuals
live in retirement
communities
with other people
instead
of living with their family. This
essay will argue that this
is a totally negative development because people
in the retirement
community need to take care of many individuals
and the older people
may feel alone.
No one can be sure how are the workers
doing in the retirement
community. This
is because the workers
need to take care of many older people
at the same time, and sometimes they may neglect others. Also
, the workers
may be tired of their work and sometimes have bad behaviours, which could hurt older people
. For instance
, in China, there are many old people
who live in retirement
communities
, but there have been several cases in which the workers
mistreat the older people
.
Older people
normally decide to live in retirement
communities
because they think that they may cause problems in their children's families. This
is because when individuals
get older they may start to have some health problems so need others to take care of them. But in these moments the older people
want to stay with their family for their last
years because they know that there will be less and less time which they can spend with their family. For instance
, a questionnaire done in Europe concluded that around 80% of old people
wanted to be with their family for the longest time possible.
In conclusion, in retirement
communities
, people
are not sure how the old individuals
are treated, and if they are happy or not, older people
do not know when they might leave the world, so want to spend their last
years with their family, I, therefore
, believe that taking older people
to retirement
communities
is a negative development.Submitted by elenazheng1211 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Address the prompt in a more balanced manner, considering both positive and negative aspects of older people living in retirement communities. Present a clear position and support it with balanced arguments.
coherence cohesion
Organize ideas in a more coherent manner, linking sentences and paragraphs more effectively to improve the overall flow and coherence of the essay.
lexical resource
Expand and vary your vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and to avoid repetition. Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance lexical resource.
grammatical range
Make use of a wider range of grammatical structures to demonstrate a more advanced command of grammar. Vary sentence structures and use more complex grammatical forms and tenses.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite