76.Nowadays some older people choose to live in retirement communities with other people instead of living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #retirement #communities #adult #children #development

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It is argued that now some older

individuals

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live in

retirement

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communities

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with other

people

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instead

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of living with their family.

This

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essay will argue that

this

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is a totally negative development because

people

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in the

retirement

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community need to take care of many

individuals

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and the older

people

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may feel alone. No one can be sure how are the

workers

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doing in the

retirement

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community.

This

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is because the

workers

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need to take care of many older

people

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at the same time, and sometimes they may neglect others.

Also

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, the

workers

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may be tired of their work and sometimes have bad behaviours, which could hurt older

people

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For instance

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, in China, there are many old

people

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who live in

retirement

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communities

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, but there have been several cases in which the

workers

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mistreat the older

people

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. Older

people

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normally decide to live in

retirement

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communities

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because they think that they may cause problems in their children's families.

This

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is because when

individuals

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get older they may start to have some health problems so need others to take care of them. But in these moments the older

people

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want to stay with their family for their

last

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years because they know that there will be less and less time which they can spend with their family.

For instance

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, a questionnaire done in Europe concluded that around 80% of old

people

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wanted to be with their family for the longest time possible. In conclusion, in

retirement

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communities

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people

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are not sure how the old

individuals

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are treated, and if they are happy or not, older

people

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do not know when they might leave the world, so want to spend their

last

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years with their family, I,

therefore

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, believe that taking older

people

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retirement

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communities

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is a negative development.

Submitted by elenazheng1211 on Sat Nov 11 2023

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task response

Address the prompt in a more balanced manner, considering both positive and negative aspects of older people living in retirement communities. Present a clear position and support it with balanced arguments.

coherence cohesion

Organize ideas in a more coherent manner, linking sentences and paragraphs more effectively to improve the overall flow and coherence of the essay.

lexical resource

Expand and vary your vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and to avoid repetition. Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance lexical resource.

grammatical range

Make use of a wider range of grammatical structures to demonstrate a more advanced command of grammar. Vary sentence structures and use more complex grammatical forms and tenses.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

297 words

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76.Nowadays some older people choose to live in retirement communities with other people instead of living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Women and man are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Therefore, some people believe that it is right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some working parents believe childcare centers can provide the best care for their children. Others believe that family members like grandparents can do a better job. Discuss both view and give your opinion

The government should sometimes infringe on people's freedom of the security of society. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?