In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Some societies believe that children must be taught to be hard-working people so they can obtain everything they want.
This
attitude obviously contributes to their success. However
, there are also
some disadvantages that must be aware.
Both views will be discussed in the following paragraph.
The diligent people produce quality work, and they receive an excellent reputation in return. Change preposition
of.
This
is because they do something carefully. For instance
, a student prepared for an exam three weeks in advance, and he had complete notes to support his study, then
eventually he got a very good mark. By doing this
attitude continuously, the kids will develop a permanent character and become reliable adults in the future. This
kind of people benefit the others. We can see our experience in a good restaurant as an example, we keep coming back if we receive excellent service from their workers.
On the other hand
, giving the message to be a hardworking person too frequently can be a pressure. Some of them might be misunderstood about the point if we treat their achievements as a competition. Instead
of being hardworking for themselves, they do that to receive their parents' approval. This
can be exhausting for them mentally. The favouritism in the family is a prime example, if a child continuously does whatever their parents want, they will lose their identity while
the least favourite family members lose their confidence. This
can be prevented by giving them options and assisting them to asses what is good or bad, also
praise
them evenly so no one feels left behind.
In conclusion, children still need encouragement from their parents. Wrong verb form
praising
However
, the adults must do it with balance so they do not feel stressed and exhausted.Submitted by erniwbs on
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task response
The essay lacks in providing a clear position on the advantages and disadvantages of giving children the message about achieving anything through hard work. The response to the task is incomplete and lacks depth.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat confusing. The ideas are not consistently organized and the connection between points is unclear. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the supporting points lack smooth transition and coherence.
lexical resource
The essay uses a range of vocabulary to express ideas but the choice and use of words is often inaccurate. There are also instances of awkward phrasing and inappropriate word choice. Furthermore, there is limited variety in sentence structures.
grammatical range
The essay has frequent grammatical errors and lacks precision in sentence structures. The errors hinder the clarity of the message and make the essay difficult to follow. The range of sentence structures is limited and needs improvement.
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