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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Not everything that is learned is contained in books. Do you agree or disagree?

#books
Reading a
book
 is
essential
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an essential
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 part for people in order to broaden
horizons
Correct pronoun usage
their horizons
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,
rise
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raise
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
their theorical
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theorical
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theoretical
 background, and
also
 improve creativity. At
this
 point there is a question comes to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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minds
Fix the agreement mistake
mind
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; whether everything
that is
 learned is provided in
books
 or not.
While
books
 give
numerous
Fix the agreement mistake
a lot of
show examples
information
, I
believe
Verb problem
apply
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disagree with the notion that we can access everything via
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
. It can be easily seen that really jobs experienced is more important than learning
information
 by reading,
on the other hand
, travelling may ensure deeper
information
 to individuals.
Fistly
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First
, in terms of business. It can be easily stated that most
of
Change preposition
apply
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companies looking for
empolyees
Correct your spelling
employees
 who have at least five years
experience
Change preposition
of experience
show examples
. Even
candidates
Correct word choice
though candidates
show examples
 have a good degree from their college, companies prefer to
experienced
Change the verb
experience
show examples
one
. It is happening because education gives
huge
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a huge
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 amount of theoretical knowledge
to
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apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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which is essential to achieve a
succesfull
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successful
 career, but grasping unwritten business laws like communication methods, takes time.
Moreover
, take some jobs which
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
show examples
 eye-hand coordination,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
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 dentistry or medicine.
While
one
-year doctors know special technics for surgery, older
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
 are able to be more successful since they managed more surgery than young ones.
To sum up
,
one
 should always remember that in work life having
experince
Correct your spelling
experience
 is more crucial than learning through a
book
.
Secondly
, reading
books
 or articles may be very practical and affordable
to learn
Change preposition
for learning
show examples
 another language or culture, yet it gives superficial
information
 to learners. Imagine
that
Correct word choice
apply
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two students whose aim is learning English,
while
first
Correct article usage
the first
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one
 moving to Manchester, the other trying to learn
grammer
Correct your spelling
grammar
 rules and vocabulary
list
Fix the agreement mistake
lists
show examples
 at home.
At the end
 of
one
 month the difference between these
to
Correct your spelling
two
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 would be remarkable. Since,
while
 the latter
one
learnes
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learners
learns
learned
 linguistic rules, without
enought
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enough
practise
Correct your spelling
practice
show examples
, it is almost impossible to grasp
usage
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the usage
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 of these rules.
As a result
, learning
new
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a new
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 language requires
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
communications
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communication
show examples
 with native ones.
To conclude
, when all things are taken into account,
while
 reading a
book
 brings numerous
benefit
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benefits
show examples
 like theoretical knowledge or linguistic
rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
show examples
, without practise it is not possible to grasp
these knowledge
Change the determiner
this knowledge
show examples
. It may be more effective to combine data
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
learned from
books
 and
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
experince
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experience
experiences
 to achieve
personal
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the personal
a personal
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 purpose.
Submitted by ilaydailday on

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task response
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion address the prompt directly. Develop a clear and comprehensive response with relevant and specific examples to effectively address the task.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure logical progression of ideas and use cohesive devices to link ideas within paragraphs and throughout the essay. Develop a more effective introduction and conclusion to frame the response.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used, and ensure that word choice is accurate and appropriate for the context. Maintain consistency in the use of academic and formal language throughout the essay.
grammatical range
Use a wider range of grammatical structures and ensure accuracy of grammar and punctuation throughout the essay. Pay attention to sentence structures and avoid repetitive patterns.
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