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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#children #families #amounts #money #adult #life #parents
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While
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 some believe that
children
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 raised in a
middle-to-low income
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middle-to-low-income
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 family have better abilities to cope with issues in their
adult
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life
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, some think that
this
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 notion is only true for
children
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 were raised by wealthy parents. In my opinion, I agree more with the former,
due to
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 reasons that will be discussed throughout
this
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 essay. On one end of the spectrum, it is important to mention that
children
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 who are raised with wealth might’ve had more resources to prepare them for their
adult
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life
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. They could have had access to better education,
life
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 coaches, books, or even consultants to help them map out their plans for the future.
Nevertheless
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, these
children
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 still grew up having everything served
for
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to
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 them on a silver platter.
However
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, the reason why I have my stance is because growing up in a
working class
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working-class
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 family can foster a deeper sense of appreciation for
money
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 in
children
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. As they age, problems and struggles
also
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 become a part of
everyday-
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everyday life
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life
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, familiarizing
children
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 with skills to problem-solve and adapt
accordingly
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. When they know that
money
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 can only be earned through difficulties, they will value merit-based efforts. Instilled with these values, they can develop effective
money
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 management skills that will undoubtedly be beneficial in their
adult
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life
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. All in all, I believe that low-income families can raise
children
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 who are better adapted
with
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to
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adult
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 problems.
Although
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 wealthy
children
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 could have had better resources growing up,
children
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 who did not grow up with as much
money
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 can have a higher chance
to appreciate
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of appreciating
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 hard work.
Submitted by anindyadewi58 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is developed fully with relevant examples. Expand on the ideas you present by offering concrete examples from real life or credible sources to support your arguments more robustly.
task achievement
Your essay introduction and conclusion are clearly present, but you can improve them by making your thesis statement more specific and directly answering the prompt in your conclusion.
task achievement
Try to evenly balance the discussion between both sides of the argument, even if you are favoring one over the other. This will show a more thorough examination of the topic.
coherence cohesion
To enhance the essay's cohesion, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to show contrasts, comparisons and conclusions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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