IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
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Considering a lot of factors before making a decision for something can help
people
Use synonyms
 to be careful with their choices and ensure their future outcomes resulting from their decisions.
However
Linking Words
, the drawbacks it can yield far outweigh these benefits, the most noteworthy of these cons being that
individuals
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 might lose a chance to experience new challenges in their lives, and they can lose opportunities to get
promotion
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promotions
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 in
working
Replace the word
work
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.
Firstly
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,
people
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 can learn some new things from taking
risks
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 so that they can get out of their comfort zone. With regards to everybody’s personal lives, as the majority of
people
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 try to find some new activities in order to get some benefits from them, they might need to admit the
risks
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 that can come.
For example
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,
one
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 year ago, my friend, Mickey, had a dream about studying abroad, but he
concerned
Add a missing verb
was concerned
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 that he might not have
an
Change the article
the
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 ability to handle his life in the US;
nevertheless
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, his mother encouraged him to be brave, so he decided to go study oversea by himself, resulting in he can managing his life really well.
This
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 shows that if
individuals
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 do not try to take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
risks
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in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some time, they
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 end up regretting their previous decisions.
Secondly
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, many
individuals
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 fear doing something
that is
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 not safe because they do not want to risk their professional lives. In the
workplaces
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workplace
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, some
of
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apply
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employees do not have enough encouragement to express their opinions in the work projects,
whereas
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 they have a really high potential in work.
One
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 of my dad’s friends,
for instance
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, told me that when he was still
in
Change preposition
at
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 work, he was just an employee, but
one
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 day his boss asked for everyone’s opinions
whether
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on whether
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 their company should change the packaging of products. All of those employees stayed silent, and suddenly my dad’s friend was the only
one
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 who commented on that topic, saying that he did not agree with that project.
Consequently
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, his employer saw that he was the only
one
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 who braved enough to express his thoughts and evaluated him to be in a higher position.
According to
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this
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, it is evident that taking
risks
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 may provide some opportunities and better their working life. In conclusion,
people
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 may need to take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
risks
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 on some occasions because it might bring a lot of benefits to them, as it helps to evaluate their position in the
workplaces
Fix the agreement mistake
workplace
show examples
 and gives
a
Correct pronoun usage
them a
show examples
chance for
individuals
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 to learn something new. If
people
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 do not start to do something just because it seems unsafe, they might not get out of their comfort zone.
Submitted by mena201205 on

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task response
The essay addresses the topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks. However, there is a lack of clarity and depth in the response, and the examples provided are not fully relevant to the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, but there is room for improvement in the organization of ideas. The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, and the progression of ideas is not always smooth.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are instances of wordy or awkward expressions. Some phrases are unclear or imprecise, affecting the overall lexical resource.
grammatical range
The essay shows an attempt to use a variety of complex structures, but there are errors in sentence structure, punctuation, and word choice. It would benefit from more accurate and precise language use.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
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