IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below gives invormation about percentage of pupulation in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives invormation about percentage of pupulation in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#invormation #percentage #pupulation #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions #summaries #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line chart illustrates the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of the inhabitants in four Asian countries
stayed
Correct pronoun usage
who stayed
show examples
 in metropolitan
areas
Use synonyms
 from 1970 to 2020, with additional
forecast
Fix the agreement mistake
forecasts
show examples
 for 2023 and 2040. In general, the percentage of population in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
, Malaysia, Thailand, and Indonesia stayed in metropolitan
areas
Use synonyms
 experienced an upward trend from 1970 to 2020.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the number of the inhabitants in city
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
also
Linking Words
 expected to increase. In detail, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
Indonesian
Fix the agreement mistake
Indonesians
show examples
stayed
Verb problem
living
show examples
 in metropolitan
areas
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 increased significantly in the past 50 years from about 15% in 1970 to around 50% in 2020 and it is expected to increase
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 60% in 2030 and 2040.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
Malaysian
Replace the word
Malaysia
show examples
 had
also
Linking Words
 risen dramatically, stood at 30% in 1970 and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 just over 70% in 2020. It
also
Linking Words
 can be seen that the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
Malaysian
Replace the word
Malaysians
show examples
stayed
Verb problem
living
show examples
 in big towns
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 predicted to increase
around
Change preposition
by around
show examples
 80% in the same years.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
stayed
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 in metropolitan
areas
Use synonyms
 had fluctuated from just over 30% in 1970 to over 40% in 2020 and it is expected to reach 50% in 2030 and over 50% in 2040.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Thailand
Change noun form
Thailand's
show examples
 citizen
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gradually increased from just under 20% in 1970 to around 30% in 2020 and it
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 expected to reach 40% in 2030 and over 40% in 2040.
Submitted by diyolory on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, similarly".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, areas with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: