Too much emphasis is placed on education. More government money should be spent on providing free-time activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Considering more money in the budget of the
government
for creating free
time
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
than
education
is a statement
that is
popular among people. From my point of view, we should consider all aspects of
this
kind of issue,
hence
, I will agree with both of them by noticing the
emphasis
on both. On the one hand, I have protected the
emphasis
on all aspects of
education
.
Besides
, investing in the
education
system would have some advantages in students 's lifestyles. We will have a knowledgeable generation in the future when the
government
has investigated the
education
system by providing the best equipment and essential facilities,
such
as equipped laboratories, and
also
building computer rooms at the schools, Because of creating convenient research in different Sciences.
Furthermore
, when student have started their training through the progressive system of
education
, their interests would be grown in the variable subjects that perhaps, they did not have sufficient awareness about.
As a result
, learning and studying through advanced
education
must be have high importance in the budget of the
government
's
plan
, because it has the most effective on our young generation in the future especially, incorporating building a developed country.
On the other hand
، creating effective leisure
time
should be a main factor in the
government
's
plan
. In fact,
this
kind of
plan
would have some benefits for both the
government
and the people. In my opinion, the aspects of investing in free
time
should have more
emphasis
than
education
, that it can prevent committing crimes especially, among younger.
Whereas the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
government
by considering a professional
plan
by taking consultants of specialist psychologists and researchers in societal issues can help reduce to crime rate. literally, the
government
is responsible for having a creative society with the correct investment in people's activity.
Besides
, the blossoming of talents requires the appropriate opportunities.
For instance
, sports clubs, music classes,
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
, and stuff like that. In conclusion, there should be no matter between
education
and free
time
in investment money for the
government
's budget, because the
emphasis
on two subjects is so crucial in creating a structure of society in the future.
Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that your response directly addresses the task prompt and fully explores both perspectives. Your essay should provide a clear opinion and support it with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the organization of your ideas and ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Use cohesive devices to create logical connections between sentences and paragraphs.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied lexical choices. Additionally, pay attention to collocations and word forms to enhance lexical resource.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure, punctuation, and grammatical accuracy. Aim for a wider range of grammatical structures and use complex sentences to demonstrate fluency and control.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: