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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Too much emphasis is placed on education. More government money should be spent on providing free-time activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#emphasis #education #government #money #free-time #activities
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Considering more money in the budget of the
government
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 for creating free
time
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more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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than
education
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 is a statement
that is
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 popular among people. From my point of view, we should consider all aspects of
this
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 kind of issue,
hence
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, I will agree with both of them by noticing the
emphasis
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 on both. On the one hand, I have protected the
emphasis
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 on all aspects of
education
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.
Besides
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, investing in the
education
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 system would have some advantages in students 's lifestyles. We will have a knowledgeable generation in the future when the
government
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 has investigated the
education
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 system by providing the best equipment and essential facilities,
such
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 as equipped laboratories, and
also
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 building computer rooms at the schools, Because of creating convenient research in different Sciences.
Furthermore
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, when student have started their training through the progressive system of
education
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, their interests would be grown in the variable subjects that perhaps, they did not have sufficient awareness about.
As a result
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, learning and studying through advanced
education
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 must be have high importance in the budget of the
government
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's
plan
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, because it has the most effective on our young generation in the future especially, incorporating building a developed country.
On the other hand
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، creating effective leisure
time
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 should be a main factor in the
government
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's
plan
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. In fact,
this
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 kind of
plan
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 would have some benefits for both the
government
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 and the people. In my opinion, the aspects of investing in free
time
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 should have more
emphasis
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 than
education
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, that it can prevent committing crimes especially, among younger.
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Whereas the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
government
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 by considering a professional
plan
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 by taking consultants of specialist psychologists and researchers in societal issues can help reduce to crime rate. literally, the
government
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 is responsible for having a creative society with the correct investment in people's activity.
Besides
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, the blossoming of talents requires the appropriate opportunities.
For instance
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, sports clubs, music classes,
theater
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theatre
show examples
, and stuff like that. In conclusion, there should be no matter between
education
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 and free
time
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 in investment money for the
government
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's budget, because the
emphasis
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 on two subjects is so crucial in creating a structure of society in the future.
Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on

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task response
Ensure that your response directly addresses the task prompt and fully explores both perspectives. Your essay should provide a clear opinion and support it with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the organization of your ideas and ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Use cohesive devices to create logical connections between sentences and paragraphs.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied lexical choices. Additionally, pay attention to collocations and word forms to enhance lexical resource.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure, punctuation, and grammatical accuracy. Aim for a wider range of grammatical structures and use complex sentences to demonstrate fluency and control.
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