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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behavior both on and off the field has a negative influence. Discussing both sides and give your opinion.

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Most societies believe that professional
athletes
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 have a positive influence on youngsters,
whereas
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 others bet that their
behaviour
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 has a disruptive effect either on or off the field on youngsters. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both sides of the argument and express my opinion on the topic. Professional
athletes
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 are obviously incredibly physically fit which can be a great symbol of success and goal achievement.
For instance
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, some well-known
athletes
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such
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 as Michel B. Jordan, Bruce Li, and Mohammed Ali were recording their lifestyles to show the evidence of their hard work and strict diets which helped them build muscles and helped their followers too.
In addition
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, some sportsmen inspire admiration because of their philanthropic efforts,
such
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 as organizing youth sports programs or supporting educational initiatives and showing their dedication to making the world a better place.
As a result
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, they become
role
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models
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 for millions of young
people
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 who want to succeed in sports careers or are impressed by their abilities to face obstacles to achieve their goals.
On the other hand
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, some
athletes
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’
behaviour
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 both in public and out of the field can be very disturbing and not worthy of emulation.
For example
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, they might be involved in scandals, drug use, aggression or disrespect to
people
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 who surround them.
Such
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behaviour
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 can damage their reputation and not show them as good
role
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models
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. It can
also
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 influence young
people
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 negatively, as young fans may imitate their actions in their lives to give the impression of being cool. In my opinion, professional
athletes
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 serve as positive
role
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models
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, as they showcase
of
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apply
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a healthy lifestyle.
However
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, it is crucial for the media, sports organizations, and society to hold
athletes
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 accountable for their unsportsmanlike
behaviour
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. In conclusion, professional
athletes
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 have the potential to be positive
role
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models
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 who inspire young
people
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, but
this
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 is not always the case. Their influence can be both positive and negative, depending on their actions and choices.

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coherence cohesion
In your introduction, be sure to clearly present the topic and indicate that you will discuss both sides of the argument and your opinion. Your conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your opinion. Also, make sure to use more varied transition words and linkers to improve the flow of your ideas.
task response
Ensure that your essay fully addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument and expressing your opinion. Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
lexical resource
You have demonstrated a good range of vocabulary. However, consider using more precise and formal vocabulary to enhance the quality of your writing.
grammatical range
You have generally accurate grammar throughout the essay, but be sure to use a wider variety of sentence structures and more complex grammatical forms to demonstrate a higher level of proficiency.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • role model
  • determination
  • discipline
  • work ethic
  • community service
  • charitable activities
  • poor behavior
  • unsportsmanlike conduct
  • media scrutiny
  • public perception
  • materialism
  • physical and mental health issues
  • impressionable youth
  • high levels
  • pursuing sports
  • positive influence
  • negative influence
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