Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important Discuss both views.

From some
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
perspective, there is importance in keeping
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
in
zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
show examples
for entertaining and
ecologically
Change the word
ecological
show examples
aspects.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
others believe it is wrong to keep the animal in
cage
Add an article
a cage
the cage
show examples
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
we will discuss both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
. Regarding
this
issue of keeping
animals
in
Add an article
a zoo
the zoo
show examples
zoo
Add a comma
zoo,
show examples
there is some strong opposition against policy-maker as they think it is wrong to keep
animals
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cage for amusement or entertainment because they think every creature have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
to be free and
also
they believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animals
belong to nature and they have some needs and desires that they can't reach them in
zoo
Add an article
the zoo
a zoo
show examples
for.
For example
, wild
animals
like lion or tiger have
tendency
Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
show examples
to hunt their food
this
hunting make them
healther
Correct your spelling
healthier
and
also
filfulled
Correct your spelling
fulfils
their natural instinct.
Consequently
, they think that
this
act is unethical and cruel. Other
people
think the
zoo
is a good place for family entertainment and
gathering
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gatherings
show examples
that let
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ordinary
people
to
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apply
show examples
learn and see
animal
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animals
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
rare species.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
this
entertainment can't make money for
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
and attract
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourist
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tourists
show examples
for visiting
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to visit
show examples
.
In addition
, by keeping
animals
in
zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
show examples
we have better
opportunity
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opportunities
show examples
to know about
animals
Change noun form
animals'
animal's
show examples
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and instinct
show examples
instinct
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instincts
show examples
,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
ability or lifestyle that means we will be able to provide better
cure
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cures
show examples
or protection for
animals
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
for
animals
that are in
dangerous
Replace the word
danger
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
existence.
To conclude
therefore
some
people
believe
that is
immoral to keep
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
in
zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
show examples
only for
humans
Change noun form
humans'
human's
show examples
advantages
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advantage
show examples
.
However
other things
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
there is a visible positive aspect in
this
issue like amusing
people
or
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
study
Submitted by mehdi.kermani.mkgm on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction needs to clearly present the topic and provide a clear thesis statement. The conclusion should summarize the main points and provide a final thought.
task achievement
The response does not fully address all parts of the task. There should be a balanced discussion of both views, with specific examples and clear reasoning.
grammatical range
There are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that hinder the essay's clarity and coherence. Focus on using a wider range of sentence structures and tenses.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • captivity
  • natural habitat
  • artificial enclosures
  • genetic diversity
  • animal welfare
  • conservation efforts
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • education platform
  • breeding programs
  • reintroduction
  • psychological suffering
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