IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

Every one of us should become a vegeterian because eating meat can cause serious health problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#vegeterian #meat #health
Eating habits are influenced by several factors. There are people who
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that eating
meat
 can cause serious health issues, and being vegetarian will
helps
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 to stay healthy. I disagree with
this
 view, and I believe that eating
meat
 or being vegetarian is
completely
Correct article usage
a completely
show examples
 personal choice and the quantity of
food
 is
Correct quantifier usage
more imporant
show examples
imporant
Correct your spelling
important
 than
type
Add an article
the type
a type
show examples
 of
food
. The people who
advocating
Wrong verb form
advocate
show examples
 vegetarian foods
argues
Change the verb form
argue
show examples
 that it has less fat and cholesterol content
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to
meat
 or any other
non vegetarian
Add a hyphen
non-vegetarian
show examples
food
.
Meat
 usage
will
Verb problem
is
show examples
determental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
 to
heart
Correct article usage
the heart
show examples
 and liver.
For instance
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 recent study
indicating
Wrong verb form
indicates
show examples
 that
cardio vascular
Correct your spelling
cardiovascular
show examples
 arrest has
been occured
Wrong verb form
occurred
show examples
 more often to
non vegerarians
Correct your spelling
non-vegetarians
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to vegetarian people.
Furthermore
, The
non vegetarian
Add a hyphen
non-vegetarian
show examples
food
 processing in
non-hygeinic
Change the article
a non-hygeinic
show examples
 manner might
also
 cause major health issues.
For instance
,
non frozen
Add a hyphen
non-frozen
show examples
 storage of
meat
 may cause
food
posioning
Correct your spelling
poisoning
.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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task response
The introduction and conclusion are adequately presented but could be more developed. Ensure that the response fully addresses the prompt and provides clear and comprehensive ideas. Use relevant and specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is mostly cohesive, but the essay lacks a clear progression of ideas. Use linking words and cohesive devices to improve coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
The vocabulary and word choice are fairly varied and appropriate, but more sophisticated vocabulary and expressions could be used to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical range and accuracy. Pay attention to sentence structure and use a variety of complex and simple sentences to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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