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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that family has the most powerful influence on a child’s development, while others think that other factors such as television, friend, music have the biggest effects. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

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There has been a constant debate about whether the family has the biggest impact on
children
Use synonyms
's growth, or whether elements surrounding them have the most powerful influence. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both opinions and give my opinion on
this
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. On the one hand, some
people
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 suggest that it is family that has a tremendous impact on a
child
Use synonyms
's life. It is true that
children
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 are
parents
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' reflection.
Although
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 there are multiple aspects that may affect a
child
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's opinion and perspective,
parents
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 still remain the biggest influence, as they play an irreplaceable role in educating and nurturing a
child
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 from birth.
For instance
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, the Harvard Study of Adult
Development
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 has shown that warm relationships with
parents
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 during childhood are associated with better physical health and emotional well-being in adulthood, highlighting the link between a happy family and a positive
child
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.
Thus
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, it is easy to understand why a number of
people
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 hold
this
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 side in the debate mentioned.
On the other hand
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, a number of
people
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 believe that different social factors heavily impact
children
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. Nowadays, with the
development
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 of the Internet comes the high level of exposure of kids to TV shows, trends and music.
For example
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,
according to
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 the Kaiser Family Foundation,
children
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 aged 8-18 spend on average over 7.5 hours a day consuming media, including television.
This
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 is often more time than they spend with their
parents
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 during weekdays.
As a result
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, it is evident that a majority of
people
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 find the relationship and similarities between kids and online entertainment clear. In conclusion,
while
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 both sides have reasonable explanations and solid proof for their beliefs, I strongly argue that
parents
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 are still the primary source of influence in terms of their offspring's
development
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, as they are the primary caregivers and role models and responsive parenting, where
parents
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 are attentive to their
child
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’s needs and cues, promotes secure attachment and healthy emotional
development
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.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the topic effectively and provides your own opinion, which is essential for the task response. However, try to provide a counter-argument or a concession to strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows smoothly to the next. Although your coherence and cohesion are generally strong, adding a few more linking phrases could further improve the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and the conclusion are well-structured, clearly presenting the topic and summarizing your opinion.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant and specific examples, such as references to studies, which support your main arguments effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • primary influence
  • development
  • instill values
  • norms
  • emotional foundation
  • social skills
  • role modeling
  • socioeconomic status
  • opportunities
  • resources
  • external factors
  • peer influence
  • teenage years
  • impact mood
  • cultural understanding
  • environment
  • role models
  • social media
  • shaping modern childhoods
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