IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that children that commit crimes should be punished. Others think the parents should be punished instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In the contemporary world, many youngsters have been influenced by violent films or movies for a few decades.
This
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 tendency will have a negative impact on society.
Therefore
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, the public
suggest
Change the verb form
suggests
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 that they are responsible and would punish the youngsters.
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While some
Correct word choice
Some
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 people believe that it is
parents
Use synonyms
 to manage rather than punishment.
This
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 essay will outline my views, provide relevant examples and conclude the essay.  To commence, I propose there is a major reason for
children
Use synonyms
taking
Change the verb form
to take
show examples
 a role when they experience crime as reflecting.
For instance
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, some psychologists claimed that more and more youths took part in various
wrongdoing
Fix the agreement mistake
wrongdoings
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 things when they watched
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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violent movies in order to promote their images and draw attention to adults.
As a result
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, numerous
children
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 would prefer to take the wrong action in society,
such
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 as stealing privacy.
However
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,
children
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 should take their faults and have to improve their wrongdoings.  Even though the public
indicate
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indicates
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 the responsibility is young, some adults suppose that
parents
Use synonyms
 should be in charge. I suggest there is
other
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another
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 reason why
parents
Use synonyms
 should play the right role in their young
mature
Replace the word
maturity
show examples
.
For example
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, in Hong Kong, there are a few youngsters who have experienced stealing others' possessions for many years. Some social workers stated that they would like to take negative action in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public
as expressing
Change preposition
to express
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 their desire.
Hence
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,
this
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 trend leads to disadvantages in society and reports that some parenting guidance is insufficient.
For
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this
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 reason,
parents
Use synonyms
 should take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibility
instead
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 of punishing them
and
Correct word choice
which
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 could cause a lower- esteem
of
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in
show examples
 them.  In conclusion, based on the statements above, I believe that the public penalties
of
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for
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children
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 and
parents
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also
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 should play the right role in guiding and educating them
in
Change preposition
on
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 how to avoid some wrongdoings as well, rather than using
penalty
Fix the agreement mistake
penalties
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. It is because
children
Use synonyms
 hope adults listen and understand them
they
Correct word choice
so they
show examples
 can improve in the future.

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task response
The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement in terms of clarity and relevance to the topic. The main points are supported, but there are issues with logical structure and coherence. Providing more relevant specific examples and comprehensive ideas will improve the task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear logical progression and coherence. There are issues with linking words and sentence structure. Revising the essay to improve the logical flow and coherence will enhance the score for coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
The lexical resource in the essay needs improvement. There are issues with vocabulary usage and word choice. Using a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices will elevate the lexical resource score.
grammatical range
There are numerous grammatical errors in the essay, including sentence structure, verb tense, and word form. Revising the essay for better grammatical accuracy and variety will increase the grammatical range score.
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