Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a woman’s role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice.

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It is evident from the research that females are giving tough
competetion
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competition

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to
male dominated
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male-dominated

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society by outshining in almost every domain which was not the same case a few years back when
women
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were considered only homemakers doing all household chores
along with
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kid's
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kid

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care
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.Some folks believe that ladies should be granted
with
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apply

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equivalent opportunities
like
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to

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their opposite counterparts.
However
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,
opponets
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opponents

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think that they should focus more on child and homecare
work
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
This
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essay will discuss
both
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views in detail. To embark with, having similar responsibilities
like
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to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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men's will bring an
avalnache
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avalanche

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of benefits to
women
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and the entire society.
Means
Correct pronoun usage
This means

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that
,
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apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction that. Consider removing the comma.

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it will become easy for the couple to live a comfortable life if
both
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of them
work
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at similar positions which
offers
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offer

The singular verb offers does not appear to agree with the plural subject similar positions. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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them
best
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the best

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renumerations
Correct your spelling
remuneration
remunerations

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.
This
Linking Words

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will be only possible, if females receive equal
work
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

rights
form
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from

The word form doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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the community and industry.To illustrate, the
statics
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statistics

The word statics doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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revealed by the Canada Economic Index Department
shows
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show

It seems that the verb shows does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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that
both
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

working men and
women
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

bolster to boost the country's economy.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, undoubtedly,
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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child
care
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

vital for the holistic development of
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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toddlers. Because of demanding
work
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

sometime
Replace the word
sometimes

It appears that sometime is used incorrectly. Review the following notes to determine the appropriate usage for your context.

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it becomes cumbersome for
both
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parents to spend time with their little ones which results in drastically impacting the smaller
ones
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ones'
one's

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mental health. Since
,
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apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction Since. Consider removing the comma.

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no one can provide
care
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like a mother, so it is considerable that
women
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spend time
in
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apply

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fostering
children's
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children

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a study by Oxford University revealed that children blessed with mother
care
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are more agile and intellectual than the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones

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raised in day
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care's
Change the noun form
cares
care

It appears that the noun care's should not be in the possessive form. Consider changing it to the non-possessive singular or plural form.

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. In conclusion, I think that
both
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the options discussed above have their own banes and
boon
Fix the agreement mistake
boons

It seems that boon may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. I advocate that a blended approach should be taken to cultivate a plethora of benefits.
Submitted by joshi65201 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps in presenting your ideas in a structured manner. However, ensure that there is a more seamless transition between your ideas and paragraphs for better logical flow.
task achievement
While you have provided relevant examples, try to elaborate on them more to make your argument stronger and more convincing. Adding more detailed explanations can help enhance the clarity of your ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, presenting both viewpoints clearly.
relevant specific examples
Using statistics and research, such as the Canada Economic Index Department and Oxford University studies, strengthens your argument and demonstrates your point effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender equality
  • Women empowerment
  • Breaking stereotypes
  • Equal opportunities
  • Career advancement
  • Progressive societies
  • Work-life balance
  • Changing perceptions
  • Successful women
What to do next:
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