IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a woman’s role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice.

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It is evident from the research that females are giving tough
competetion
Correct your spelling
competition
 to
male dominated
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male-dominated
show examples
 society by outshining in almost every domain which was not the same case a few years back when
women
Use synonyms
 were considered only homemakers doing all household chores
along with
Linking Words
kid's
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kid
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care
Use synonyms
.Some folks believe that ladies should be granted
with
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apply
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equivalent opportunities
like
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to
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 their opposite counterparts.
However
Linking Words
,
opponets
Correct your spelling
opponents
 think that they should focus more on child and homecare
work
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
both
Use synonyms
 views in detail. To embark with, having similar responsibilities
like
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to
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 men's will bring an
avalnache
Correct your spelling
avalanche
 of benefits to
women
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 and the entire society.
Means
Correct pronoun usage
This means
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 that
,
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apply
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 it will become easy for the couple to live a comfortable life if
both
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 of them
work
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 at similar positions which
offers
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offer
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 them
best
Correct article usage
the best
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renumerations
Correct your spelling
remuneration
remunerations
.
This
Linking Words
 will be only possible, if females receive equal
work
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 rights
form
Correct your spelling
from
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 the community and industry.To illustrate, the
statics
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statistics
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 revealed by the Canada Economic Index Department
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
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 that
both
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 working men and
women
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 bolster to boost the country's economy.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, undoubtedly,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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child
care
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 is
also
Linking Words
 vital for the holistic development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
toddlers. Because of demanding
work
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sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
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 it becomes cumbersome for
both
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 parents to spend time with their little ones which results in drastically impacting the smaller
ones
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ones'
one's
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 mental health. Since
,
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apply
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 no one can provide
care
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 like a mother, so it is considerable that
women
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 spend time
in
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apply
show examples
fostering
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, a study by Oxford University revealed that children blessed with mother
care
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 are more agile and intellectual than the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 raised in day
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care's
Change the noun form
cares
care
show examples
. In conclusion, I think that
both
Use synonyms
 the options discussed above have their own banes and
boon
Fix the agreement mistake
boons
show examples
. I advocate that a blended approach should be taken to cultivate a plethora of benefits.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps in presenting your ideas in a structured manner. However, ensure that there is a more seamless transition between your ideas and paragraphs for better logical flow.
task achievement
While you have provided relevant examples, try to elaborate on them more to make your argument stronger and more convincing. Adding more detailed explanations can help enhance the clarity of your ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, presenting both viewpoints clearly.
relevant specific examples
Using statistics and research, such as the Canada Economic Index Department and Oxford University studies, strengthens your argument and demonstrates your point effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender equality
  • Women empowerment
  • Breaking stereotypes
  • Equal opportunities
  • Career advancement
  • Progressive societies
  • Work-life balance
  • Changing perceptions
  • Successful women
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