Some people rely too much on doctors instead of taking care of their own health. They think all health problems can just by ‘fixed’ by visiting doctors. What problems could this approach to healthcare cause and how might they be solved?

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todays'

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today's

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world,

popularity

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the popularity

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of going

Fix the infinitive

to doctor

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doctor

Fix the agreement mistake

doctors

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has increased for any illnesses. Many

individuals

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do not know what to do when they get sick and

this

Linking Words

could be a major problem to

Use synonyms

health

Add an article

the health

show examples

system. There are some solutions to fix

this

Linking Words

issue.

Firstly

Linking Words

, people need to learn basic treatment for themselves.

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In previous

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decades, relying on

doctor

Correct article usage

a doctor

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was not necessary and

individuals

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treat

Wrong verb form

treated

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themselves with some herbs.

For example

Linking Words

, if a person has a

flue

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flu

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individual

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the individual

an individual

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will use various teas to heal themselves and

her

Correct pronoun usage

she

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/she will rest until feeling well.

Moreover

Linking Words

, having number of aches

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

rapidly growth but 50 or 60 years ago, fewer

individuals

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had aches because they were going to their

job

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jobs

show examples

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apply

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mostly walking.

Therefore

Linking Words

, if society

know

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knows

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how to treat themselves, there will be

less patient

Fix the agreement mistake

fewer patients

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for doctors and they focus on patients who have serious problems.

Secondly

Linking Words

community

Correct article usage

the community

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needs to change their eating habits and they should do sport.

For instance

Linking Words

, many

edibiles

Correct your spelling

edibles

are not organic

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apply

show examples

these days and more people eat fast foods

Linking Words

then

Correct your spelling

than

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last

Linking Words

years,

this

Linking Words

leads to some serious

health

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problems but if

individuals

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can switch their eating habits to healthy meals, they will be less sick.

Moreover

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, doing sports helps a person's body and it can fix body posture in order to prevent physical complications people have to do sport

also

Linking Words

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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helps mental

health

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Thus

Linking Words

, if society looks

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at themselves

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themselves

Correct pronoun usage

itself

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, there can be

less

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fewer

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healthcare issues. In conclusion, there are several ways to solve healthcare problems. It is stated that

understsaning

Correct your spelling

understanding

how to treat themselves is the most important thing and

this

Linking Words

can help

Use synonyms

health

Correct article usage

the health

show examples

system to reduce patient numbers.

atakantemizkan0Wed May 01 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Work on varying your sentence structures to avoid repetition and to make your argument more dynamic.

Task Achievement

Try to develop your ideas more fully with detailed explanations and more diverse examples to better illustrate your points.

General

Check for and correct typos or grammatical errors to improve the clarity and professionalism of your essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

Consider introducing a variety of linking words to connect ideas more smoothly and clearly.

General

Pay attention to the accuracy and range of your vocabulary to more precisely express your ideas.

Task Achievement

You have clearly understood the task and addressed the topic with relevant ideas.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which is good practice.

Task Achievement

You have provided examples to support your ideas, enhancing the persuasiveness of your argument.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

270 words

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Some people rely too much on doctors instead of taking care of their own health. They think all health problems can just by ‘fixed’ by visiting doctors. What problems could this approach to healthcare cause and how might they be solved?

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you thinks some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

Write a letter to friend to inform them of a celebration you are having for a recent job promotion. Include information about The promotion The celebration Their accomodation

With the growing population of cities, more and more people live in homes that have little or no outdoor area. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

.Although the prices of fuels have greatly increased over the last decade or two, it is argued that further increases in fuel prices are the only way to reduce world consumption of fuel and lessen pressure on the world’s fuel resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?