The given bar chart illustrates the percentage of residents’ coffee and tea purchasing and consuming habits in last 4 weeks in five different cities (Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, and Hobart) in Australia.

The given bar chart illustrates the percentage of residents’ coffee and tea purchasing and consuming habits in last 4 weeks in five different cities (Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, and Hobart) in Australia.
The bar chart depicts the survey output about
coffee
and tea consumption habits (buying and drinking) in five
Austarlian
Correct your spelling
Australian
cities over the
last
4 weeks period.
Overall
, the residents
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
to consume
coffee
and tea served at
café
s
while
the fresh
coffee
was the least.
In addition
, Sydney residents bought the most fresh
coffee
while
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Hobart consumed the most
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
instant
coffee
.
However
, people who lived in Melbourne visited café more often compared to 4
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
cities. In Sydney, the
number
of people
consumed
Correct pronoun usage
who consumed
show examples
fresh
coffee
was around 44%
while
the
number
who bought
instant
products was just over 45%.
Conversely
, the
number
who visited café nearly
double
Wrong verb form
doubled
show examples
which accounted for 60%.
Likewise
,
Melboure
Correct your spelling
Melbourne
had
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
pattern, making up
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
approximately 47%
instant
Change preposition
of instant
show examples
coffee
) and nearly a half for
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
fresh
coffee
, respectively
while
went
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
to café was about 64%. Regarding Brisbane and Adelaide, Both cities purchased fresh
coffee
just over
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, the
number
of
instant
coffee
consumed by the residents and the proportion of visiting café in Brisbane was higher, reaching about 53% and 56% respectively
while
Change preposition
in adelaide
show examples
adelaide
Change the capitalization
Adelaide
show examples
just under 50%.
Furthermore
, Hobart showed a huge discrepancy which
has
Verb problem
was
show examples
around 37% for fresh
coffee
consumption
while
visiting café was higher, nearly twofolds.
This
area
also
the
Add a missing verb
has the
show examples
highest
instant
coffee
consumption, reaching approximately 54%.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, instant, café, number with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • residents
  • habits
  • purchasing
  • consuming
  • illustrates
  • comparison
  • preferences
  • trend
  • frequency
  • café culture
  • observations
  • urban lifestyle
  • fresh coffee
  • instant coffee
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!