IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Today many people spend less and less time in their homes. What are the reasons and what are the effects of this trend on individuals and society?

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In contemporary society,
people
Use synonyms
 seem to spend their time at home not as much as their former generations did. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will scrutinize the causes and impacts on their personal side
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
.
Initially
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,
people
Use synonyms
 can not be satisfied with
facilities
Correct article usage
the facilities
show examples
 in their houses if they want to enjoy some entertainment activities.
For example
Linking Words
, in my
country
Add a comma
country,
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 Vietnamese
people
Use synonyms
 tend to go to cafes or pubs where they have diverse choices of beverage products with their friends to have idle chit-chat about their hobbies or
work
Use synonyms
.
Besides
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, it seems evident that less time at home mainly stems from hectic schemes. Each individual in modern life has to
work
Use synonyms
 with high density, they
work
Use synonyms
 at least eight hours per day and sometimes
work
Use synonyms
 overtime to complete the tasks.
Consequently
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, the time budget in their accommodation areas gradually becomes less.
As a consequence
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 of
this
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 issue,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family bonds may be lost if members do not interact regularly.
Moreover
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,
people
Use synonyms
 may
also
Linking Words
 forget their roles in their family or among relatives and they may not be given timely support when needed. In terms of social effects, the risks come from
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of attention to family members with each other, especially with children. To be more specific, the irregular appearance of adult
people
Use synonyms
 means that they interact less with their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
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.
This
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 can lead children to become stubborn and uncontrollable in
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they may not be a heroic citizen in the future and may become a social burden with potential risks of
criminal
Replace the word
crime
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 and violence. In conclusion, it is an important issue which can not be ignored, especially because it enables them to get together at home.
Change preposition
In totally
show examples
totally
Change the word
total
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, lack of that has a detrimental effect after a long era
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing the ideas in a more coherent manner. Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly present the main points of the essay. Support the main points with relevant and specific examples to strengthen the arguments.
task achievement
Address the task more comprehensively by providing a complete response. Present clear and comprehensive ideas with relevant specific examples to support the arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demanding job schedules
  • digital nomadism
  • co-working spaces
  • urbanization
  • commutes
  • social activities
  • entertainment options
  • technological advancements
  • sense of community
  • familial bonds
  • stress levels
  • neighborhood cohesion
  • community involvement
  • consumerism
  • public amenities
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