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Band 6

Everyone should be encouraged to use fewer resources rather than recycle more. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#resources
Resources are consumed at an accelerated speed in modern society as with the rapid rise of the global population and industries. Some people believe that it is more significant to spend less on
materials
 than recycle them. I generally agree with
this
 for the following reasons.
To begin
 with, there is enough evidence to support the idea that it is a must for everyone to consume less raw
materials
 as
this
 will maintain biodiversity and increase the chances of our future
generation
Change noun form
generation's
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 survival. Saving energy, especially electricity, could help us to utilise
more
Correct pronoun usage
it more
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 appropriately for other areas where it should be used wisely.
For instance
, in developing countries,
such
 as Pakistan, many villages are living in darkness because of the lack of electricity. Even though they are willing to pay for service, unfortunately, the demand cannot be fulfilled because of the overconsumption of lights in urban areas.
Consequently
, people have to live without heat and light
due to
 the improper management of energy resources.
On the other hand
,
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
 consequences will be expected through recycling as it produces less
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
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 as more citizens buy second-hand items.
For instance
, Finland is popular for its vehement commitment to protecting the environment. In fact, 60% of the products sold in the country use recycled
materials
.
Furthermore
, there are trash boxes designed to collect garbage in different categories
such
 as cans, bottles and plastics in unanimous spots. It has made spectacular outcomes in saving natural
materials
.
However
, many nations still underestimate the significance of recycling as they distribute free plastic bags and paper in stores, prioritizing their convenience and economic activities. In conclusion,
while
 recycling is one of the common ways to limit natural destruction, its impact is still minimal because of the unwillingness of many countries. It would be more realistic and effective for countries to encourage consumers to use fewer resources.
Submitted by mizuho on

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task achievement
Address the opposing view in a more balanced manner to show a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is clearly linked to the preceding and following paragraphs, and use cohesive devices to connect ideas more effectively.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used, considering synonyms and more precise word choices for a higher level of lexical resource.
grammatical range
Work on the accuracy of sentence structures and grammar to achieve a more varied and sophisticated use of language.
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