IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that children should learn how advertisements try to persuade them to buy things in school. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is widely contended that
students
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 should be educated on how to critically engage with
advertisements
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 within the school curriculum. I concur with
this
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 perspective
due to
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 the potential adverse effects of advertising
content
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, particularly in promoting materialistic and inappropriate
behaviors
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behaviours
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.
Therefore
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, integrating
such
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 education into the school syllabus serves as a proactive measure to guide
students
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 in navigating the complex landscape of commercial influence. One of the primary reasons supporting
this
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 stance is the necessity to cultivate in
students
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 a discerning mindset regarding the allure of a lavish lifestyle propagated by
advertisements
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. Schools, as institutions shaping the future of young minds, have a responsibility to
instill
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instil
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 values that enable
students
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 to distinguish between genuine needs and superfluous wants.
For instance
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, when exposed to enticing
advertisements
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 for new toys,
students
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 should be equipped to assess whether these desires are genuine needs or mere temptations.
Such
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 an educational approach ensures that
students
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 mature into individuals capable of managing their desires judiciously, even in the face of persuasive advertising.
Furthermore
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, recognizing that
students
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 may lack the discernment to filter inappropriate
content
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 is paramount. With the pervasive reach of the internet,
students
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 are exposed to a myriad of
advertisements
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, ranging from commercial promotions to potentially harmful material like pornography and drug-related
content
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. It is imperative for schools to address
this
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 knowledge gap and educate
students
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 about responsible online
behavior
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behaviour
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. By doing so, schools not only safeguard
students
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 from negative influences but
also
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 empower them with the skills to navigate the digital realm responsibly. In conclusion, I strongly support the idea of incorporating education on
advertisements
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 within the school curriculum.
Such
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 an initiative is vital in guiding
students
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 through the complex landscape of persuasive media
content
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, fostering a discerning attitude toward materialism, and equipping them with the knowledge to navigate the digital world responsibly.
This
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 proactive approach contributes to the holistic development of
students
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 and prepares them for the challenges posed by modern media.

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task response
Your essay provides a complete and clear response to the task. You have addressed the prompt fully and developed your ideas coherently. Well done!
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a strong logical structure and excellent coherence. The introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, and your main points are well-supported throughout the essay. Make sure to maintain this high level of coherence in all paragraphs.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is varied and appropriate, contributing to the overall quality of the essay. This demonstrates a good command of lexical resources. Keep expanding your vocabulary and using it effectively to enhance your writing further.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is quite extensive, and you have effectively used a variety of complex structures. However, be cautious of any minor errors and maintain consistency in your sentence structures and verb tenses.
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